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|Fri, 03-07-2014 - 11:56am|
My ex-husband and I have been divorced for almost 2 years now. We get along very well and live about 5 minutes away from each. We have a 9 year old daughter and 5 year old son...who in my opinion seem to have adjusted quite well to the divorce. We have split custody, so my ex gets the kids Tuesday and Thursday nights and every other weekend. On the weekends that I have the kids, he gets them Sunday night and vice versa. Yes, it is a lot of back and forth; during the week, they are pretty much switching homes every other night, which I understand can be very confusing. However, when we mentioned trying out a schedule of 3-4 days straight with one parent at a time, our daughter was upset and said she doesn't like going that long without seeing one of us. Also, she has always, on her own, called whichever parent she is not with to tell them goodnight every night. We have never forced her ot do this, it is just something she has always done (even when she spent the night with friends/family before we were divorced, she would call home to tell us goodnight).
I am dating someone now that has an 8 year old son and lives 45 minutes away from him. He gets him every other weekend, and very rarely sees/talks to him except for that. He thinks the way my ex and I co-parent is very odd and "unhealthy and unstable" for our kids. He believes that the kids should be with me all week and go to their dad's every other weekend, as he and his ex do, because they need the stability of primarily being at one place every night during the week. He also thinks it's odd that my daughter calls every night and that there should be "separation" to where when they are dad's, they are with dad and no reason to call me unless of an emergency and vice versa. He thinks it is just too confusing for them and that we've never created a "separation of households" with them.
To a point, I undertand what he is saying, but this is what we have done since we separated and we believe it works for us and don't see any point in changing something that isn't broken. As I have told him, I divorced my ex, not my kids and I don't want them to feel like I'm not their parent on the days I am not with them, and same for their father. I have plenty of friends that have exes that do not want to be involved in their children's lives at all...so I have a really hard time telling my ex that he can't seem them during the week. However, my new boyfriend seems to think that, as an outsider looking in, that they aren't as well adjusted as I seem to think and that it is only going to cause them damage in the long run because of all of the back and forth confusion.
So I just want some advice/feedback, especially from parents that have been divorced much longer, as to what custody arrangements you had and how you feel it affected your children.