Custody...how do I survive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Custody...how do I survive?
3
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 3:57pm

Tomorrow my husband gets to take the kids for the day. The judge ruled that he gets them 3 days a week for 4-8 hours. I am having a complete nervous breakdown and can't stop crying over him taking my babies (they are 3 and 1). (I am very grateful that I still have full custody because he was fighting me on that too.) On top of that, now his girlfriend is allowed to see them too. How can I let them go without completely losing it or punching him out? This is the 3rd marriage he broke up and his 2 older kids will have nothing to do with him. I can't protect my babies when they aren't here. Any survival tips appreciated.

Thanks,
Michele

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 11:40pm
That seems like an awful lot of time for him to have visitation. I have a 6 week old and the father sees her twice a week at my house for 1hour at a time. He only stays for about an half an hour, but he won't agree to enter an agreed order for the time he is visiting now, insted he is asking for three hours per week. I hope if it comes down to it our judge won't award him as much visitation as your ex is getting. Mine has never lived with the baby. I think he only comes by cause his lawyer is tellin ghim to. He gets very nervous and uncomfortable. He is not allowed to take the baby out of the house. Any way, just curious as to how he ended up with such a large window of vistation hours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 7:41am

He was trying to get full custody saying he is just as capable as me to take care of them, which makes no sense because he walked away from us to live with his girlfriend. We settled on the visits on his days off, rather than him having them overnight at all. I know that once things settle down, he will be too busy with his new girlfriend to see them too much, it's just hard to let go at all right now. He has a 13yo that he only sees a couple of hours a week and I suspect that is how it will be down the road with these two.

Thanks for your reply and good luck in your case.
Michele

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 2:02pm
kelsey, it will be hard. Follow the court orders, and if the children come back harmed take them straight to a doctor. In the meantime, there are several ways to spend your time. Some days you will want to set up something that you would normally consider to be fun, so that it can distract you while the babes are away. At first you may not enjoy it, but maybe things will go well enough... we'll see. Another way to handle the time is to use it doing the MANY MANY things that need to be done to be ready for the children's return. First, a nap for Mom. Then laundry, cleaning, organizing the toys, pulling out the too-small clothes, your dentist appointments... There is MUCH to do. And if you can drive yourself to make the time useful, it will help. Good luck.