cybercheating/male mid life crisis???
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 07-17-2008 - 9:14am |
We have been married for 7 years, both second marriages, ages 51 and 52. I have noticed changes in my husband for the last 2 years. It started with him having laser surgery so he would not have to wear glasses, working out more that usual, unhappy about his job and is going back to school for his teaching certificate, ( which I gave him emotional support), wanting to get a corvette or a mustang, does not want to live on the East coast anymore rather live in Hawaii, chooses not to do anything fun anymore,( I always am the one suggesting things to do -his reply is always NO). I notice him looking at younger women when we are out and tries to talk to women while with me. He does bring up women he had crushes on. Why do I need to know this? His daughter from a previous marriage got married in Paris and refused to go to the wedding. I pleaded with him to go, but there was more tension between us so I finally let it go. I have been so perplexed with his behavior and thought he might be going through a mid life crisis. THEN I wanted to use the camera to take some pictures (He thought I did not know how to use it), I found a movie on it and thought it was a test movie he was making, but there was no sound. I hooked it up to my computer and found that he was making a movie of himself and planned on sending it to some girl in China. In the movie he thanked this person for responding to his emails (plural) and thought that the pictures looked terrible of himself that he sent her and decided to make a movie of himself. AND was hoping & looking forward to meeting her in China one day.
That was it for me! How could he do this to us? We had a great sex life, we once had fun in our life. What a time to do this to me. I feel when I needed my husband the most in my life he was not there. My best girlfriend died this year of lung cancer(She never smoked in her life) , our little dog was diagnosed with cancer and is expected to live only 4 months, I have 2 elderly parents I take care of,(he never gave my any problem w/my parents and knew I had to take care of them-have home care for them)
I filed for a divorce, he should be receiving the papers shortly. After speaking with him he is upset, says the China girl was harmless, but I cannot let go of his emails behind my back. He said it does not mean anything and also looks at porn. He does not see it the way I do. IT IS CHEATING. Maybe I am wrong I do not know anymore. I lost trust in him and so deeply devastated. I cried and cried. Sometimes I feel that I want him back (my heart) but my head is telling my I can never trust him again. I go around in circles. When I think of how he has treated me, I deserve better.
I would consider myself nice looking, slender, take care of myself, have a great job, & a good person.

This really is a strange situation and I'm sorry for you.
Hi,
The change in my husbands life, which he was upset about was his daughter getting married and talking about having children. He also experienced my best friend and his boss at work died at a young age of 48, all this year. He does have a high stress job and have seen 5 men die within the past 4 years.
I think he wants an adventure in his life and chasing after his youth.
The mid life crisis stuff, I just thought it was a nothing to serious, but emailing other women and sending pictures of himself and wanting to meet them....hmmm. I just happened to find the movie on the camera, if that did not happen I would have never known this was going on. It is so humiliating. I would never think of doing this to him.
He has been studying Chinese for about two years now. The pieces all fit. I am still bewildered by this all.
His daughter is devastated but, I am keep in close contact with her. His brother told him he F things up pretty bad and was not to bright.
My husband told me he is taking this very badly and I am,too. He now has the freedom to do what he wants.
Linda,
Hi. People react differently to shock and stress. It sounds like you've accurately identified
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
We are not talking to each other these days. He is on a cruise with his mother, brother, and the rest of the family. This is the same family that invited themselves on our Hawaii vacation last year. His mother thinks this is a good idea to do this as an annual event. That is why last October I decided not to go with them when they were planning this cruise. Since we do not go away during the year, our yearly vacation was important to me. Not sure if I am ready to deal with his cybercheating, his mother, and vacation time ! I need some time for me at this point.