cybercheating/male mid life crisis???
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| Thu, 07-17-2008 - 8:27am |
We have been married for 7 years, both second marriages, ages 51 and 52. I have noticed changes in my husband for the last 2 years. It started with him having laser surgery so he would not have to wear glasses, working out more that usual, unhappy about his job and is going back to school for his teaching certificate, ( which I gave him emotional support), wanting to get a corvette or a mustang, does not want to live on the East coast anymore rather live in Hawaii, chooses not to do anything fun anymore,( I always am the one suggesting things to do -his reply is always NO). I notice him looking at younger women when we are out and tries to talk to women while with me. He does bring up women he had crushes on. Why do I need to know this? His daughter from a previous marriage got married in Paris and refused to go to the wedding. I pleaded with him to go, but there was more tension between us so I finally let it go. I have been so perplexed with his behavior and thought he might be going through a mid life crisis. THEN I wanted to use the camera to take some pictures (He thought I did not know how to use it), I found a movie on it and thought it was a test movie he was making, but there was no sound. I hooked it up to my computer and found that he was making a movie of himself and planned on sending it to some girl in China. In the movie he thanked this person for responding to his emails (plural) and thought that the pictures looked terrible of himself that he sent her and decided to make a movie of himself. AND was hoping & looking forward to meeting her in China one day.
That was it for me! How could he do this to us? We had a great sex life, we once had fun in our life. What a time to do this to me. I feel when I needed my husband the most in my life he was not there. My best girlfriend died this year of lung cancer(She never smoked in her life) , our little dog was diagnosed with cancer and is expected to live only 4 months, I have 2 elderly parents I take care of,(he never gave my any problem w/my parents and knew I had to take care of them-have home care for them)
I filed for a divorce, he should be receiving the papers shortly. After speaking with him he is upset, says the China girl was harmless, but I cannot let go of his emails behind my back. He said it does not mean anything and also looks at porn. He does not see it the way I do. IT IS CHEATING. Maybe I am wrong I do not know anymore. I lost trust in him and so deeply devastated. I cried and cried. Sometimes I feel that I want him back (my heart) but my head is telling my I can never trust him again. I go around in circles. When I think of how he has treated me, I deserve better.
I would consider myself nice looking, slender, take care of myself, have a great job, & a good person.

I was so sorry to read your post! I went through almost the same thing with my STBX. I know exactly how you are feeling; I'm still very angry and I don't know how to rid myself of it yet! My STBX was (and probably still is) hooked on porn for many years. It took me several years (YEARS,,,how dumb could I be) to realize what was going on and how involved he actually was! He took pictures of himself and sent to other 'men'....talking about 'shocked!' I found out by looking through his pager (not sure why I decided to do that...I NEVER snoop!) and came across a message from some guy talking about explicit things! Talking about hurt! I confronted him and of course he LIED! I ended up staying with him for 3 more years after finding out...I thought I could forgive and forget...but I never could and still haven't. I stayed because we have 2 children (13 and 10) and I thought it would be best for them. He basically told me the same thing...'it's no big deal." Yeah right! It was a huge deal to me! He was doing all of this behind my back, but right under my nose! He would go on-line after I went to bed and when I wasn't at home. I even came across a chat he had and when I showed it to him he sayed he didn't think I knew 'how' to uncover his chats! Anyway, I moved out last November because he wouldn't! Now he can do what he wants...
Good luck!
Thanks for responding avidreadermom08,
I feel the same way you do a complete idiot. It never crossed my mind thinking he was unfaithful because I knew where he was 24/7. Never thought he would get so caught up on the internet.
I searched on the internet and found that it is an addiction and will destroy a relationship and marriage unless they get counseling.
Presently, I am at my shore house and will be moving into an apartment the end of August. I had to get out of the house we lived in. He now has his privacy to all the porn internet sites to his pleasure and fantasy.
He is giving me a hard time regarding the property settlement, we are talking about a few hundred dollars. Luckily I had a pre nup and own my own summer home which he does not have a claim to.
The best to you too!