D almost final: doing the right thing?
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| Wed, 10-12-2005 - 2:17pm |
My STBX and I have been together 10 years, married 8. I was starting to come to the realization that we loved each other, but were not in love. I was not attracted to him anymore. He'd also been dealing with some issues that sent us to counseling on and off for about four years, issues that had to do with sexual attraction and such. I finally got to the point where I felt there was no way I could be what he needs.
I moved out in April. I've dated some, and really met someone I've fallen for. It's not perfect, but I'm really attracted, feeling attractive, and very happy when things are going well with him.
We will sign the divorce papers any day. They've been waiting on us, actually, but his lawyer just hasn't sent them to mine and I'm not rushing anything. It's very hard to say that this is gone forever... that I failed... that we can't look past 'not being attracted.' Sometimes I wonder if it isn't better to just stay in the marraige to make things easier (we have a 3.5 year old)... I mean, there are problems everywhere so who's to say that the next marraige won't end, too? At least I am friends with the STBX.
I know what you're thinking... because I'm thinking it reading my post. However, from folks who have been there... talk me down! I'm sure having regrets, concerns, etc is normal... I am making the right decision, yes?
K

I'm fighting for my marriage (11.5 yrs, together for 14 yrs). I have my ups and downs too about it. I, personally, have a high value on marriage. What I've heard & read about is most married couples who make it into elderly age do not suffer any more problems than the people who divorce. With the exception of abuse those couples who stick together are happier than the ones who divorced.
I had purchased the book "The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work."
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0609805797/103-4090612-0027007?v=glance&n=283155&v=glance
We have not worked the book yet. We have to get dh some medical & mental attention first before we can think about us. But what I've read so far I like.
I don't know what the laws are in signing the papers. But if you can wait like a month perhaps you can try dating your dh & spend the date working some of those exercises. See if a spark comes back or not.
I just wonder if you question now & you're unhappy later you'll wonder if you should have fought harder. But if you give it a final chance & it still doesn't work at least you won't have regrets.
Bonnie
"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."
~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng