D-Day is 3 days away and I need support

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
D-Day is 3 days away and I need support
5
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 10:03am

Hi, my divorce date is this coming Thursday and I am already a nervous wreck about it. Im nervous about having to just go to court, im nervous about seeing my STBX there, upset. What should I expect at this? I heard the judge just asks you both questions and both of us answer at the same time.

I also was wondering what my STBX can do if I moved in with my now boyfriend of over a year? My kids absolutely love him and I know they will be happy with moving in with him. My boyfriend says he will sleep downstairs in the bedroom there for a while, until I feel it's the right time for him to come up with me. Financially, I have to do it. I am barely getting by right now. But can my STBX do something after the divorce hearing on Thursday if I tell him about this??

HELP!!!!

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2006
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 1:00pm

Depending on the state you live in, if your STBX wants to make an issue of this, he might be able to do that. Many states do not allow unmarried couples to cohabit with the children from a previous marriage. It doesn't always matter what the sleeping arrangements are.

Even if the parent doesn't have primary custody, this can be an issue. For example, if an Ex is living with someone and has the children for alternating weekends, the court can say no overnights for the grownups while the kids are also there overnight. Find out what your state does about this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 2:29pm

Take a deep breath. It will soon be over. Going to court was nerve wracking but really all the work has already been done (unless you are actually going to trial). The judge basicly asked if you agree with the terms of the divorce and if the bonds of marriage have been broken and can not be repaired. At least, thats all I really remember. My X did not want to even sign the divorce decree so the judge just had to order the marriage disolved.

I am not sure if I would tell him at least not now. He could fight it and the court would look down on it.

Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 3:14pm

I live in MA and from what I understand, the judges really don't care about "bedroom issues". They care that the children are in good care and that nothing inappropriate would be going on....which nothing would!

I wasn't planning on telling my STBX about the move until after the divorce hearing...I was going to wait a week or so. I just don't need him taking me back to court for this. I thought once your divorced, that's it....they cannot control your life anymore?

Im so scared to tell him. Im afraid of what his reaction and reply is going to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 3:59pm
When it come to custody/visitation, the other parent does have a say unless they do not have any legal custody. Your X can fight you on just about anything he wants if he chooses. The court though will end up getting tired of him if he does it too often.
It probably will be best to tell him before the children say anything but I wouldn't do it in person just in case he would get out of control. If because of this infomation you feel you are in danger or your children are in danger then I'd talk to the police.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 12:21pm

Hi there Kate.

You should expect to feel the on set of genuine panic. So you need to keep in control.

As to the boyfriend ....

there's nothing stbx can do if he moves in either now, on the day of the divorce, or later.

However, and speaking from my personal experience, DO NOT DO THIS!!!! This is a mistake.

Maybe the boyfriend is the right guy, but this is certainly the wrong time. You need to get over your divorce and get your head straight, not to mention dealing with the kids and divorce. I'd take at least a two year break from dating, then re-connect. If you do not, you are facing the maximum risk scenario : a re-marriage and second divorce, no kidding.