Dad's on the weekend

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Dad's on the weekend
4
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 7:27pm

My boy's are 16, 15 and 13. We have no official visitation set up. If they don't want to go see him should I make them go? I think they are old enough to make their own decisions on this matter. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this.

Rhonda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 8:02pm

Hi Rhonda..... IT's SO GOOD TO SEE YA!


That's always a tough one... my first question would be, "why don't you want to spend time with dad?"


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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Registered: 05-23-2006
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 9:00pm
My son never went for visitation. He didn't want to and his dad was not willing to be the "bad" guy by making him. My middle one goes and has gone off and on but not on a regular basis since her dad remarried. The youngest goes almost all the time. Here is how I look at it... It is not my responsibility to make them go. I have never discouraged them and IF their dad said they HAD to go, I would support him with everything in me.... However, I knew what he would do is get me to "make" them, then when they didn't want to, he would play the "good" guy and tell them they didn't have to go. I refused to play his game. The kids were always available and their dad was told IF he wanted to make them, I would support it. He has since accused me of NOT making my son go with him and I simply say... you are right... I didn't MAKE him go with you. It was up to you and it was YOUR choice. That is ON you.... not me.
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 11:32am
It all came out last night. My STBX moved in with his mom when I left him. She owns a condo, so it's her, stbx and his sister. My mother in law is not a very nice person some of the time and can make the boy's feel pretty uncomfortable. My sister in law is a health food nut and there is nothing but whole grain and tofu in their house (I'm not saying that's bad at all, it's just not the way my boy's grew up). Since the boy's have been with him on the weekends they have tried many different ethnic foods. I'm very proud of them, but they also need the things they like and not have to always eat the way their aunt and grandma do. One good thing I will say about stbx is he's been consistant with my child support, it is automatically deposited into my checking account every two weeks. BUT, he's horrible at budgeting his money. He'll buy groceries when he gets paid but not plan for the weekend that he doesn't have a pay check coming. The boy's have complained before and I've told them they need to see their dad and everything will be okay. I know food sounds like a silly excuse but it's just another way for stbx to be lazy and rely on me for things like this. When the kids came hom Sunday (they begged to come home around 1pm) they were starving. They literally ate from the time they got home until bed time. My refigerator is totally void of leftovers! My youngest hadn't eaten all weekend. If they eat something that is considered my in laws the kids tell me their grandmother gets mad at them. It breaks my heart to hear them talk about this and I hate putting them in that situation. So last night I came up with a plan: they will spend their nights with me, that way they get all their meals, and on the weekends they can spend time with their dad during the day. One of the other issues is time. He's always late. Always doing what he wants to do and not considering all the boy's. My youngest is a very talented ball player. Right now he's doing football and select baseball, so his schedule is very full. My stbx can't get him to his games and practices on time and my child is the one who gets in trouble. This way I can get him there on time and it will ease his stress a bit. I know this stuff might sound trivial to some but it's a big enough deal with my kids for them to say they want to stay with me on the weekends too. I would never deny them time with their dad, he can have them anytime he wants. I have a feeling this won't bother him too much....he's a very selfish person. Thanks for your input, it really helps!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 1:50pm

Even though this plan is "inconvenient" for you... it does sound like a good plan... and what we, as moms, do for our kids.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~