Dated and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Dated and confused
8
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 8:23pm

I just had a date, I thought it went fine and now I find out that the guy is on the dating site again!

I thought he was the perfect gentleman, he met met at the movies, gave me a kiss on the lips hello, we saw the movie, he did not grab my hand or any other part of myself. Dinner did not follow, then he drove me to my car and gave me a kiss again goodbye. That is the most abnormal date I have ever had and am not sure how to handle it. Now the above makes me feel rotten. I thought there was chemistry...is this how it is nowadays?
He then told me that if I was up to it that maybe we would do something next weekend and he would "call" me. Is that a dump line or a I will not see you again but thanks line. He was the first man who did not want to take me to bed on the first date, thank God. He replied that he had a nice time and my company was nice. Is this how things go? I am going through bad stages in the process of my divorce and he helped me out. He also went through a bad breakup in August. But it pisses me off that right after we go out he is online again on a dating site. Is this how this works? I am used to being treated badly by most men..is he just being casual at my expense or his? Or anything for that matter?
I guess I should lay low and do the same? Sure it was just a date but..am I being treated like s--- again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 10:35pm

You should come check out the Online Dating board.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 11:58am

first of all ---- no

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 2:08pm
Was looking through messages and thought I'd respond to yours. Where did you meet this guy? How long have you guys been talking? Did he seem interested? Or maybe he was scared?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 2:10pm

"I am going through bad stages in the process of my divorce and he helped me out. He also went through a bad breakup in August. But it pisses me off that right after we go out he is online again on a dating site. Is this how this works?"

Not everyone feels this way, but many people believe that you shouldn't be dating if you still need to be "helped out" and are having "bad stages." For my part, I prefer to offer a healthy, happy self to a potential date.

Dating can be a bit of a rat race, dog eat dog, sometimes our feelings get hurt. If you find that this brings you more than just a little pin-prick of pain, if dating is actually going to tear you down even further... then don't date. Wait. Heal. This is no one's decision but yours. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 8:23pm

I met him at an online dating site, he was the one who initiated everything. Now I think he was just being nice and I never will hear from him again, his internet mail showed when he was available and now he has made himself "invisible" to everyone. On instant messenger.

I was real pissed that right after our date he went back on the dating site where we met. I guess that should tell me something...I guess I'll just block him, I think he was full of crap. If he wants, he can call me, if that ever happens, which I doubt.

He had no reason to be scared, I did nothing to deter him. I spent hours talking to him the night before in instant messenger and he cheered me up, I was so happy.
Yesterday he saw his x girlfriends daughter at the gym and I think it put him in the dumps.
Whoever this lady was, she did a number on him. I think he is still in love with this lady. SHe dumped you, get over it and live, I had 14 years with a jerk...had my 4 days if sorrow and am done, now this. I feel like crap...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 8:41pm

I know that I have been treated like crap over the years, the marriage has been dead for 3 years, it's just legal now. I am meeting new people and they all want one thing, are married and want one thing or tell me their health problems or get mad that the menu was too small....

Everyone I knew said my date went well and that this guy would call me, believe it when I see it. I do not trust anyone..but my hopes were up just a little and he even encouraged me. He even asked me of I would work in Naples again or would I work out at gym 30 miles away, mixed signals..That is where he lives,,yeah, I guess he was a con too.

I know my date was not a future one, but I hate going through this. I was mad that the guy went back on the dating site right after we went out, which pissed me off to no end and now he is invisible in instant messenger. So I would say that is a sign he is full of crap. I wasted 14 years of my time, I just do not like it when people lie and waste mine I have a lot of it, but I do not want it wasted. I'm going to block him from my email and instant messenger..I am just pissed.
If he wants to call me, then he can. If he is blocking me, then I guess there is no point...

Saw my x today, he looks like crap and said he got promoted, same pay, but just has a lazier position, which is good for him. He also went up north to see "daddy" who made him who he is today. He could not wait to tell me his dad paid cash for a double wide trailer, was I to be impressed? Trash with trash I guess.

X has also not carried out his part of the legal agreement and is going to screw me, I made the lawyer aware of that. The house was supposed to be financed by a certain date and he has not even started. No I am not real happy right now. I even asked if he had girlfriends and he said he had girlfriends, he is in to the friends with benefits thing, no respect.

I just had a conversation with someone who did not understand what that meant, I said you are just using each other for one thing, as a convenince. The person replied that as long as they knew they were using each other it was ok? I said as long as you like beng used then have at it. Why post something like that? Who wants to be someones "bitch?"

I do not get people anymore. No one wants a nice person anymore, just a body..I feel empty..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 10:14pm

Thanks and you are right. I just do not understand this whole new thing. I had my 4 days of getting over my x this holiday weekend, which was my first alone...by myself; and I ended up with a "lost soul" for a date. I guess misery needs company. I do not need that in my life right now. I do not want to talk about my x or anyone elses for that manner. I'd rather be with friends on this site. It has been so helpful in a few short days.I changed my profile again on the dating site. I may not look at it for days, It appears that strong women are avoided...Right now my cat gives me more love than any man could ever give, it sounds funny, but it is true, she gives and never takes away. Animals are gifts..

I am better than I was 2 weeks ago, the therapist did not recognize me at all...that is a good sign. A good start! Exercising has helped too. I am just not used to taking care of me...I guess this was a good start?

Thanks for the support. At least I know I have friends online who appear to be better friends than the ones I have known for years and got lost during the split!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 8:47am

There is nothing wrong with a nice guy taking you out for a date and then that's all it ends up being.

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