DATING AFTER DIVORCE

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
DATING AFTER DIVORCE
13
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 8:04pm

Hello,

When do you know it's time to start dating, committing to someone? What if you think you're ready, but then something keeps holding you back?

I've been divorced since June 2010 & separated since 2009. I met someone who is sweet and giving. We've known each other just 2 wks but I feel myself pulling back. He does have a strong personality and likes to take control....I feel he wants to take me under his wing and make it all better. Anyone would be thrilled w/this....but I dont know. I have mixed emotions. Mostly, I like to stay to myself and maybe this isnt the healthiest thing to do, but how do I break that habit? I shouldn't force things w/this guy. Am I not ready? I am only 2 mos living in the state Im in now....I relocated. So, I'm just getting started, just found a job. No apartment yet....staying w/a friend. He wants to help me w/an apt, furnishing it, etc. His schedule is almost opposite of mine so we're not seeing each other every day.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2009
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 8:11pm
Listen to your gut. You've only known this guy for 2 weeks & he's talking about apartments? Huge red flag. Don't walk, run!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 8:15pm

I know.....it's WAY too fast!! That's why my head's spinning....and Im so confused, but you're right.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 8:15am

DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!

Say "nice to meet you" and "bye" to this guy for now.

YOU ARE NOT READY TO DATE ANYONE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 9:14am

I so agree with Wisdom.. this guy does sound controlling and yes abuse is just around the corner..

You might think you are healed from your divorce and that trauma but you arent. If you have to second guess dating or this new man and your questioning it all then you are not ready..Your gut and intuition are screaming RED FLAGS all over the place.

When I got divorced in 2007 I was already in a bad rebound relationship. My ex had mental disorders and he was controlling and abusive.. After I left ex and the rebound guy in 2008 I decided to stay alone and have fun and heal and find ME

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 10:23am

You are right! I should know to trust my instincts by now....they have never proved to be wrong. All I want is some inner peace and the thought of just coming home to a quiet place is SO appealing. I have to give myself time to get on my feet. I'm staying w/a friend....its hard. I feel Im in the way but right now I cant afford a place. It will be ok because one day I will be affording a place....I have to remember that. FIrst things first....taking care of me.

Thank you Wisdom!! I needed to hear that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 10:27am

Freeatlast....thank you! I think there's a reason for our instincts....protection! If we listen though. I am struggling....I feel so weak but what I want and need most is to be to myself. I was reading an article last nite on how long it takes to get over a divorce....avg they said is 3 yrs, some take longer. Its a journey....I have to be patient and fight the urge to run to someone to make it all better, which they won't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 10:37am

your welcome and remember our gut and intuition never fail us.

Of course you want the comfort of a loving and caring man and you are human with a heart. Just make sure you give your heart to someone who deserves it and not anyone who comes along wanting to define you or help you get an apt. or whatever ..

Yes; be your own person first in your own space and place and do what is best for you..Learn how to ski or play golf. or take up swimming or join a bowling league..

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 1:12pm

HUGS Freeatlast!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Sun, 03-04-2012 - 11:55am

....and I ran....as fast as I could!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 03-05-2012 - 3:26pm

Glad you ran!!!!

we have to fall back, regroup and get our own sh!t together before we can even think about moving forward in a new relationship. The fact that he wanted to rush says a lot. After my divorce, I laid low for a year, had a few interactions with sme men around the area and one long distance that I knew from a long time ago. But nothing serious. Once I ready I tried on line dating, one gjuy called me "evasive and annoying when I would not rearrange my entire weekend for him. Immediate Good Bye!!!! I did find a terrific guy on line, we are LDR, but that is fine for me right now too :)

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