dating while separated

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2007
dating while separated
2
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 12:28am
separated only 4 months and he announces that he wants to start dating bc he is lonely and wanted to be honest with me. said we were not reconciling anytime soon and wants to move on. feel like after 9 months of therapy and finally accepting he wanted out, i am back to that horrible place when he first said 'i want a divorce'. he ripped out my heart and tore it to shreds. i was finally able to put it back together and now it's like he did it all over again. we haven't even started divorce paperwork and he 'wants to move on'. how can someone who once loved you be so cruel? when does all this pain and sadness stop? i know in my head this divorce is what's best. but when does my heart start to understand?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 4:58pm
Never.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 09-22-2007 - 10:50am

Gintx,


Aha! Your STBX hasn't learned something important: how to be on his own and live without propping himself up with a relationship! I think he's making a mistake by dating so quickly and for being "lonely." Well, duh, what did he expect when he announced he wanted out? Sounds to me like he's trying to be 15 again and have "fun" or what he thinks is fun. Too bad. I think he's headed for another heartbreak myself.


As for how you feel, I hate to say "It's normal," but it is. Divorce is not a nice, neat, single-step process. It's a series of decisions or realizations and they all hurt.


What I suggest is you find someone to talk to about your feelings, whether its a counselor, clergy, or a good friend. You need to vent and also be validated in your feelings. Sometime you'll also be wise to seek legal advice. It's not fun, but it's necessary to protect yourself.


Keep us posted on how you're doing.


CL-Wisdomtooth2020