Dating while Separated....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Dating while Separated....
5
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:50am

Ok ladies, it has been awhile since I have been here. My divorce was final in October 2004. My ex (who was suicidal when I left him) is already remarried and taking me back to court to lower child support payments. (I guess he is recovering? LOL) This should be an interesting day in court.

As if I didn't have enough on my plate. The powers that be in the sky have decided to play with me again. A few months ago I went out with friends and was introduce to a man who was going thru the divorce process. I was attracted to him and sensed he was attracted to me, but kept my mouth shut because he was technically married. Well, a month passed and he called me. (I thought it was an out of the blue call, but as it turns out my friend wouldn't give out my number, this man persisted for a month till she gave in and gave him my number). We had a conversation about the divorce process etc. This was his guise to call me. A few weeks after that, we were all out in a group again. And when the two of us were alone he said "I know you are going to think I am nuts, but I have to tell you this because if I miss this opportunity I will regret it." I am of course blushing at this point. "I know I am not technically divorced yet, but my marriage is over and it tooks me a month just to prove to your friend that I am worthy of calling you. I would like to get to know you, date you" I could barely respond. My heart was pounding! I went to answer him and before I knew it we were kissing. It was one of the greatest kisses I have ever experienced!! We spent the rest of the night talking about his pending divorce, how I wasn't comfortable dating him while he was only separated. We agreed to take it slow, and see what happens by the time his divorce is finalized before we start talking about "us".
I am still dating other people, after all there is no point in puting all my eggs in one basket at this point in my life. But this man is always in my thoughts. I can spend hours with him on the phone and still feel the need to talk to him. I get butterflies when I see him, and I melt when we kiss.
I have posted to other boards, and I have talked with my friends about it. Some people are afraid this is the rebound. Some people are telling me to just go for it cause you only live once and after all I have been thru I deserve to be happy. I am trying to think with my head and not my heart.
Anyway, I just had to post. You all on this board have been so supportive thru everything I have gone through and I value your opinions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 1:23pm

Hey there!


The only thing I will say is that you never know until you try. YOU are in control, so if it doesnt work, get out of it..... you will know :)


I will say that I started dating 6 months after he left me. I had to wait until after I had our daughter, otherwise it would have been sooner. I went out with 3 guys before i met my SO. I am still with him and I love him with all my heart. My friends and family also said it was rebound..... but if it was rebound we wouldn't be where we are today :)


Hugs to you and good luck!


Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 4:06pm
Thanks Angelena! I appreciate your input. I feel such a strong connection to this man, and I am not even sure why. LOL! I will keep you posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 4:09pm

Your very welcome :)


I think it has to do with the kids. I will always feel connection to him because of the kids. I look at them and I see him. Its an unwritten bond I guess..... one that us mommy's have ;)


Hugs,


Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 6:03pm

Hello, I never post here, but lurk often. I am not divorced, thankfully I never married my daughters father, but I too am dating a man who is divorcing.

It is not something that I'd ever thought I'd do, but he and I became friends through mutual friends last winter. We really hit it off on that level but I kind of considered him as off limits...lol...well..it's June, and we have been dating since Jan. of this yr.

I know all the rules say not to do it, and so on and so forth, but I am not dating this man out of desperation, I am dating him because we met, became great friends and discovered that we really make a great couple.

So I say go for it. My best friend was leary of my situation when I entered it, but now she loves him too.

I think, that if you really think it is worth it, go ahead and break the rules once in a while.

It has been trying at times. I hate what he is going through in this divorce, and I hate it even more that I can't help him, or do anything, but I can be a shoulder to lean on a freind to talk to when need be, which was the basis of our entire friendship to begin with.

Best of luck, I really hope it works out for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 6:22pm

HA! GO FOR IT! How often in life do you get a chance like the one you are being handed? I say as long as you keep both eyes open and go with your gut feeling (if it doesn't feel good...) you will be okay.

I WISH I could meet someone, in the process or no!

About twelve years ago, before my marriage, I briefly dated a man in the process of a divorce. It was a lovely relationship! We broke it off, because we realized we weren't right for each other, but we remained friends. And he dated another shortly after me - they are still together. So rebound doesn't always apply!

HAVE FUN!