Day 1, too
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Day 1, too
| Fri, 01-13-2006 - 7:50pm |
This is day 1 for me as well. After 12 years of marriage, I have to call it quits. After moving me and my two girls, 9 and 11 out to a new state for a new job opportunity for him. I begged him not to move us away from our friends and family, but gave in for the kids sake, for his career and for our financial future. 6 mos. after moving here, I get back from vatation with my two kids and he announces that he is moving out. Since he moved out, he has been begging me to try to work things out with him and go to therapy. I have been reluctant for many reasons but agreed. Now I just found out that during this whole time that he has been trying to work on fixing his problems and us, he has been dating someone that works for him!!! OMG!!! SO I told him enough is enough and told the kids I am asking for a divorce. The kids freak out, cried all night, blamed themselves and BEGGED me to work things out for our family's sake ( that was the final dagger to my heart). He then calls me at 1 a.m. in the morning crying to work things out with him. Now it's on my shoulders again to stick out for the family? Why do I have to be the bad guy that breaks up the family? I cant tell my girls the reason that I have to leave is because their loving dad has continuously lied to me and cheated on me for sometime now and basically is a non remorseful jerk. And to top things off, he is now the president of a large publicly traded company and is financially successful, but I will only be able to get alimony for 1/3 to 1/2 of my marrige and will have to go back to square one in my career. After writing all of this, I now am sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do next. Suck it up for the kids sake and for my financial future Or start over at 42 years old? I'm scared I thought all these years I was during the right things for us to be financially ok in the future and now I feel I've done all this for no other reason but to help him become a successful business man and I have become nothing but a corporte wife?

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I know how you feel the guilt is the worst. My mother is saying the samething to me. She rather I have the financial security than my self esteem! And my mother did the exact samething as yours. She was with an verbally/emotionally abusive man that cheated on her but because he was a doctor, she didn't want to leave the financial security. So what happens, he left her when we all were done with high school and he took the money with him! Although now I understand her reasons for staying (she was not educated and was not from the US), but for the longest time I was so angry with her for not having the courage to leave.
I have finally stop discussing the matter with my mother. I wish I could have her to help me through this but speaking with her just continues the guilt. I want to be a stronger person. I have to stop the outside noise and listen to what i know to be right. I wish you the same. I don't want to lead the same life as my mother did and that's what she is asking me to do. It sounds like we both know what is the right decision. We need to convince ourselves not others.
Good luck.
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