DD (8) having a hard time

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
DD (8) having a hard time
6
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 9:39am

I have picked her up early from school twice in the last two weeks due to "stomach aches". Every night as I put her to bed she c/o of them or not feeling well. I have asked her if she thinks it has to do with everything going on at home. She claims not. But, it is soo obvious. She has trouble sleeping or at least going to sleep. She keeps wanting to sleep with me.

Last night she asked if she could sleep with me. I told her yes, but then she got worried that daddy would make her leave and go to her own room. I told her I would handle that. He has been telling her that I am trying to keep her away from him by having her sleep with me and that I'm trying to turn her against him. He didnt say a word so she slept there all night.

Yesterday morn she wakes up and says that her stomach aches again. I only had to go into work to do payroll so I asked her if she wanted to stay home from school and go with me to work. She said yes. But, by 9am she realized that day was Gym and she didnt want to miss that!! LOL... such a sweetie. So, I took her into school a little late, by then. All the kids were in the gym already, but her teacher was in the classroom. I stayed to talk to the teacher. The teacher (who knows quite a bit about whats going on at home, as I have been in constant contact with her) tells me that she is daily complaining of stomach aches and she wanted to know if there was anything else she could do to help comfort her. Teacher also said dd said it's because she is worried about her mommie. :(

My poor baby. I just started bawling right then and there. The teacher started crying, too. She just kept reassuring me that dd is a special girl and she is soooo strong and she will be okay, she just feels so bad that dd has to go thru this. She also said that dd will have a special place in her heart all of her career in teaching. OMG I think some higher power made her dd's teacher this year on purpose.

STBX is moving out on June 1st Hoorah!! I know she is adjusting and coping however she can, but I am so sick and tired of the abuse stbx puts me and the kids through. And there never seems to be anything anyone can do about it!! It is insane we have to put our children through this stuff because of the "parents rights" What about he children? He has been verbally, emotionally abusive to me and the kids almost the entire marriage. It has just escalated to the highest level now that we are in divorce proceedings.

I HATE stbx.

Jan

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 9:58am

HUGS to you and your DD. I know she's going through a tough time right now, but I assure you, it will pass. Also, it's wonderful that she has such an understanding and supportive teacher.


Has your daughter had the chance to see the school psychologist or social worker? If she is having stomach aches and trouble sleeping, it sounds like it might be time for that. Being in counseling has helped my son so much. He didn't have stomach aches, but he started being disrespectful in school, getting into arguments with friends, his grades took a dip, etc.


Like your DD's teacher said, she's a strong girl and she will be OK....especially with the support she's receiving at home from you, and at school from her teacher. And if she needs a little extra support in counseling, that may do the trick.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 10:57am

Thanks for the reply. Yes both kids are in counseling. Stbx tells her that the counselors are stupid and that her mother tells them what to say and he could sue them.... real nice. But, she seems to like the counselor. So, I am definitley continuing and the counselor seems to be able to help dd and ds weed through that garbage he gives them.....

I just hate seeing my kids go through this unnecessary pain in an already painful time.

Jan

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 11:52am

when my ds (who is now 20) was 12-13, i had cancer. (wow - i just realized that its been so many years ago!!) he started to get panic attacks - to be honest, i am not sure what started them because there were other issues, such as my then-second husband. anyway, the therapist said that she thought that ds was afraid that i would die or something would happen while he wasn't 'at home' so he always wanted to be home.

anyway, it really helped DS to have a little bottle with one or two baby aspirin, which he rarely actually took, but it was a security blanket of sorts.

I don't know if that is something that is allowed in schools in the states ( i don't live in the US), or if this is something that you would consider. or maybe some thing else - something that makes your dd feel better without actually having to go home. maybe you could keep a bottle of 'her' pills or candy or something with the school nurse, just to get her thru this time. if she is seeing a counselor, i'm sure that she will be able to work thru this soon.

hugs...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 5:44pm

that is interesting, because I have been thinking 'maybe I should have a bottle of TUMS on hand to give dd' I mean I truely beleive that her stomach hurts, but I know why. I thought maybe TUMS could cure both the psychosomatic and the real symptoms of her problems without causing any side effects. I occasionally take a OTC pill of Melatonin (which is supposed to induce sleep). So last night dd was having such a hard time I gave her a Melatonin. I dunno if it helped. She ended up sleeping with me,but had such a hard night of crying and c/o of stomach aches and head spinning and fears. She cried for hours about girls at school that she has talked about all year that really are just a nuisance. My poor baby.

When she came in from playing at the neighbors today she had a smile on her face til she saw me then, droppped to the floor that her stomach hurt again. I know that it's for the attention in soem ways, but duh of course!! I truely hate my stbx for what he has done to this family and especially to OUR kids.

Hugs,
Jan

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 3:32am

well - i wouldn't give her melatonin without getting a dr's ok, i know its OTC but still.

its also important to remember that even if the cause is psychosomatic, the pain IS real. at the same time, i think that you notice that she IS *pushing your buttons* here, and seeking attention. of course, this behavior is normal for what she is going thru, but its not a 'healthy' way to deal with her stress and its good that she is in therapy. maybe you should discuss with the therapist hwo YOU should deal with it.

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 7:59am


Hmmmm...I think the girls may be a MUCH bigger deal than you think. When I was a child, I went through a couple of years of school being tormented by a small group of girls. It may have looked like nothing from the outside, but it was very painful and upsetting to me. Quite honestly, it still has an impact on me today. I think asking her some more questions about the situation with the girls would be helpful. Between that and the divorce, I am sure it is a lot for her to deal with. Just another thought!




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