De-lurking with a Question
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| Wed, 03-22-2006 - 11:01am |
I've been lurking around on the boards for awhile.
To give you all the cliff notes version of my saga:
Been married 14 years have three kids: 14DD, 12DS, and 10DS has a LD so he acts much younger
STBX and I have always had a rocky relationship (got married way to young).
Anyway, STBX over the years has had a few affairs. I would find out and he would say he was sorry, we would move on and be ok for awhile then a repeat of the same thing.
So stbx was acting really strange, he finally told me he wanted a divorce, and then changed his mind and agreed to a separation. So we separation, he leaves (his job is overseas) and he IM's me and said he had thought about it and he wanted a divorce.
I know something was up. And after a few days he e-mails me a Dear John/Jane letter and in it he alludes (sp} to a girl that is just a friend (yeah right!!!) So I do some digging and find out that he as been after her for awhile. So moving to the girl (code name: sl#@) she is 10 years younger, has two kids that have been taken away from her!!!
1 1/2 year later he is back in the states, and moves in with her. He now is living in different state than the kids and I are in. There are a lot of things that has happen during the last year or so: he filed for D, I called the police on him, he got in a fight with our DD she still isn't talking to him, and he didn't give to our youngest his meds over the x-mas break. ect. The kids and I are all seeing therapists for us as individuals and as a family.
Here is my issue he wants to take all the kids to HIS house over spring break. I'm very much against this for many reasons the first is he is living with her and is still married to me. I think that isn't a good example for the kids, secondly, he has only spend 3 days with the kids during the last year and he has never been alone with them for more than 30 mins. Our 14d doesn't want even to go and has been very vocal about this. ( TEENAGERS!!)
Anyone have any ideas?
My lawyer is working on getting a court hearing next week, to have this heard by a judge.
From what I understand once we are divorced I can't say anything about who he lives with as long as the kids are in a safe place when they visit.
Has anyone had this happen?
OH I guess I should add according to my stbx ALL this and MUCH MORE IS ALL MY FAULT!!!
abi

Hi... well, a judge won't care who he's living with.... now or after the divorce... as long as the kids aren't seeing anything "inappropriate", but it does seem like him coming to where the kids are for "day visits" during their spring break would be a better idea if he'll go for it (he is planning to take time off work to spend with them then..... right??????).
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
You are correct, as long as there isn't vastly inappropriate behavior going on, it is very likely the judge will allow visitation.
Have you spoken to the therapist about how to handle the possoble upcoming visitation? He/she may be able to shed some insight or have good suggestions.
As for it being ALL your fault....I'd love to know how that's possible.
AND....welcome.