Dealing with Guilt

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Dealing with Guilt
7
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 9:27am

I have been lurking on this site for a while, and my divorce was complete last week after seven years of a very unsatisfactory marriage in every way. Here's my question, I have had several dates and get great pangs of guilt not only about going out with men, but kissing and more intimate things. How do other women handle this?

Jessica

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2005
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 10:00am

Hi Jessica,


This is just my opinion, so that in mind, if you feel guilty about going out on dates and getting intimate,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 3:56pm

I struggled with that same guilt..... for a while!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 4:07pm

I don't feel guilt, but I do feel panicky because I don't want to end up making another mistake. I am going through a phase where I question relationships and what they are really all about. It seems as though people can move quickly from person to person and a lot of men seem to be "in love" with several women at the same time.

I've never been on my own. I went from my parents' home at 19 to a home with my ex and at 35 I'm discovering what it's like to be on my own. I'm in no rush to marry again and when I do it again I want it to be right. I want a true companion that brings security, passion and a sense of mutual goals to the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 4:20pm

"I do feel panicky because I don't want to end up making another mistake. I am going through a phase where I question relationships and what they are really all about."

Take some time off and work on your career, hobbies, friends. Try to interact with males from time to time without dating them. Don't date until you begin to see them again as just people, not dangerous and fickle creatures. Until you can do that, you are emotionally unavailable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Sat, 11-05-2005 - 4:17pm

"It was just weird to let myself open up to someone new. Even when it felt oh so right...... I still felt like something was holding me back"

Isn't that the case. Everything about my marriage was less than satisfactory, but breaking lose of its hold on me is hard. A man touches you, or puts his arm around you, or kisses you, and you freeze up as if it were wrong.

I have actually thought of trying sex, but when the guy I was dated started exploring, I just froze like an ice princess. And I so, so want it. Maybe I should just allow it to happen one day and see where it all leads.

Jessica

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 11-05-2005 - 8:14pm

It's like you have to keep reminding yourself..... I don't have to feel guilty about this.... I'm free and it's OK.


A wicked curse....


Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 12:07pm

i think its natural, in a way, after seven or so years of conditioning in the opposite direction, i.e., being only with your husband, not thinking of other men in a sexual way


also, i think that divorce does something to our ego, and it may take a while to feel good about yourself again, so you may be thinking that you shouldn't be feeling sexual "yet".


i agree with smomtimes2 - you may not be ready yet...