Dealing with the holidays
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| Sun, 11-27-2005 - 10:52am |
Do any of you ladies have any tips for facing the first holiday season after your separation or divorce? I stay busy between work, my son, the gym, family, friends, etc. But I still find myself feeling down or sad when I drive through the neighborhood and see houses lit up for Christmas. I live in a very nice rental now, but I still can't help but miss decorating my old house for the holidays. And it was something by STBX and I could actually do together without a hair-raising argument! I remember holding the ladder while it was FREEZING cold out and he was hanging lights on the house. I guess it's good to hold onto some of the positive memories, but look forward to the future.
How did you spend your first holiday season after your separation/divorce?

This is my first holiday season since the divorce. I've been lucky enoough that I am going to have them the whole Christmas weekend. Just go on like you always have. Pick out some cute decorations that you like or lights in the colors you like and make your place look festive.
I am actually not putting lights outside this year because in years past I just didn't like they way they looked. Instead I got a nice wreath and hung it outside and am going to focus more on the indoor decorations. Let the kids in on it, they will love coming up with ideas and being part of it.
This too, is my first Christmas apart. The good thing is, the kids seem to be handling it well, me on the other hand wellll.
What I'm trying to do is keep busy of course..I too get sad when I see all the people getting Christmas decorations ready...my stbx was the one that went out & cut down the Xmas tree..brought it in & decorated it..but this year I'm going to do that! ..ok well I'll probably buy it at a tree farm or from a parking lot..but I'm still going to do it!
It was hard getting out the decorations from storage..he packed them away the day that he left..so I had a short cry & went on with it..nothing wrong with that!...
I don't really have any advice just do what you can...
I got a quote from somewhere, I can't remember where, that seems appropriate
"Instead of thinking about what you are missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing"
I have my children, my family and my self respect..I don't have to see his family which were verbally abusive to me and put me down & I don't have to listen to him not stick up for me..I will have the kids for Xmas eve & after work on Xmas (they are staying with my parents for the day)..he doesnt want them ...he will be alone..his choice..
Good luck ..my thoughts are with ya!
This is my second year apart. We separated last October (still are not divorced), so Christmas was HARD for me last year. My daughters (ages 2 and 8 then) had to leave our home, and move in with my parents. What I did to make the holiday the best that I could, was to keep up with traditions that were(are) important to the kids. We used OUR tree decorations rather than my parent's, we made the Santa cookies, Reindeer Food, etc...
Unfortunately for me... Xmas Day was the first time from the time the children and I moved out, that they were going to be spending the night(and it was 3) away from me. My 2 year old had never been away from me. I was devastated that they had to go "visit" their "home" that my Ex wouldn't leave, which forced me to take the children and go. It was very sad for all of is. Yes, I layed in bed and on the couch and cried A LOT. I went to my mother's best friend's house (who has a son my age I grew up with from the time we were in diapers) and when he saw me walk in with my mother, came and hugged me and asked how I was doing... I LOST IT. I felt like an ass that I couldn't keep it together, etc. J and his mother both were very comforting and S(mother) told me that it would get better (she's also been divorced) and that it's OK to cry and be upset.
Now, onto better things. A couple months later, when I started feeling better about myself, I met a wonderful man. We have now been together for 9 months, and are looking into the future with a smile. I feel good knowing that my kids will be happy to be with both of their parents on the holiday. I also know that Ex will be alone when I am not.
Things get better, I promise! I'm thirteen months separated, and hopefully going to be divorced before the end of the year... and the future looks brighter each day!
The poster who says that it does get better after time is right. However there is always a little pain, and sadness over the loss. And that first season is the worst.
You're on the right track to stay very busy. May I also suggest you create some new traditions? Do something you haven't done before with your child or with family/friends. Definitely involve yourself in the festivities. Accept party invitations, decorate your new place, whatever makes you feel happy.
Decide you're going to be happy and you will. Happiness is a choice, not something that happens to us.
Peace from cupcake