Dealing with the Vampire

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Registered: 05-07-2003
Dealing with the Vampire
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 3:54pm

I stopped by X's garage today, to drop off a few tools of his, and to pick up the weekly child support check. He was "pleasant" enough, and we began discussing when he would take possession of the car-- it's in his name, it was purchased as the family car in 1997, and I've been driving it for 10 years. In our divorce settlement, we agreed that when the house sells, he would take possession of the car, and I'd pruchase one with the proceeds of the sale.

So X started saying this BS, like "You can just go and put some $$$ down on a vehicle.", and "So, when do I get my car back?" "I've been more than reasonable." I didn't want to get into it with him, so I just reminded him that "we agreed when the house sells." He said, "I've waited long enough." So, I countered with, "Well, tell people that the house is for sale. Send some buyers my way." He continued along the line of when does he get something good to drive, he doesn't have anything good, etc. (he buys used cars, and has a few decent ones at his business). I said, "If you sold your race cars, you'd have enough to get yourself a fabulous vehicle." Ever the passive-aggressive jerk that he is, he said, "but they're not finished. I won't get anything for them. I can't sell them that way!" Which is BS, because he bought them unfinished. At that point, I said, "I gotta go", and I left.

Grrr, he's such a jerk. "More than reasonable" ? This guy took 2 1/2 months to get the Discoveries and Interrogatories bcak to us; took more than 3 months to pay me my settlement.

I get such a sick feeling in my stomach lately whenever I have to deal with him, and I think I know why.

About 10 years ago, I fell on ice in my driveway, and landed on my lower back. I was sore for a few days, and felt better. Sometime after that, I started having pains in my side, and noticed that the shoes I wore in my right foot were "walked over". It seemed to me like I had a slight limp-- my leg just felt like it wasn't swinging correctly. Sometimes I'd hear a "pop" in my hip joint. I mentioned this to X, and he told me it was nothing, that it was in my head, and to IGNORE it. Unfortunately, I did what he suggested.

A few years later, I developed chronic fatigue. To make a long story short, I eventually went to a chiropractor. The chiro was my mom's best friend's husband, and I trust him-- he's like an uncle to me. He found severe muscle trauma, and my spine was severely out of alignment. My pelvis was twisted, and my muscles and bones had healed incorrectly. As soon as he adjusted me, lo and behold, my hip no longer popped! My leg swung freely! It didn't feel like I had a limp! After many months of seeing the chiro, PHYSICAL THERAPY, many treatments with a massage therapist, my back was much better. One day, I threw it out, and my pelvis and hips once again twisted. I was in such intense pain I was seeing stars. When I went to the chiro, he said, "You know, your back, pelvis and hips were like this for YEARS. Your body got used to being a wreck-- it healed broken, and it tried to balance itself. Now that you're used to it being in proper, healthy alingment, it hurts like hell when it goes out, eh?" I said, "Jeez, yeah! That makes sense."

So, when I was driving to the grocery store today, I sort of had an epiphany: Maybe I was SO used to X's emotionally manipulative, abusive behavior... and now that I've been living away from him for almost 2 years, my body and psyche are recognizing just how sick and abusive X is... so when I see him, and have to deal with him, I feel sick and jammed up inside. Sort of what I experienced at the chiro when my back went out. I'm getting used to sane people, and when I have to deal with a bloodsucker, it's just that alien to me now... but familiar. I'm thinking-- I must have felt this way all those years that I lived with him-- good grief, it's a horrible feeling. And yes, I'm seeing that I did feel like this all those years.

I'm going to discuss this with the counselor next week. Any thoughts? Is it post-traumatic stress?

Thanks in advance for any advice/comments.

EDIT: To the last long paragraph-- I think I've gotten out of the habit of asserting myself, and I need to re-learn how to do that again. 20 years of being demeaned, feeling like I CONSTANTLY have to defend myself around X and my older son... this is going to be interesting, as well as liberating. The feeling defensive part-- that's the worst. I recall X hounding me about where I would go when I went shopping or whatever. I'd have to show him the store receipts, with the time stamps, and tell him the sequence in which I went to the stores. All that time, he refused to get a cell phone to make communication easier for us, and HE never would let anyone know where he went. I think he just wanted to keep people on edge. He'd just mosey in when he felt like it. And *I* was the "controlling" one. I told the counselor yesterday that it seemed like everything X accused me of (such as screaming at the kids and neglecting them), or claimed that I did-- is all stuff that HE does, and is just projecting onto me.




Edited 1/19/2007 5:02 pm ET by susieyippin