Decided to Leave

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Decided to Leave
2
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 1:59pm
I have been pretty unhappy in my relationship with my husband for quite some time now....even before we got married. We have broken up before but we always get back together. I just cant seem to stay away from him. But I have decided that it needs to end.....and for good this time. We have what you would call a toxic/co-dependant relationship, and I no longer want to live like that. On top of that, everything is always my responsiblility. I take care of the kids (including his son when we have him for visitation) I clean, cook, and do all other housework, ply all errands and I work. I have been off of work now for just about 2 weeks and already have another job lined up to start in a week or so. My hubby has a problem keeing jobs (hes off on workmans comp right now), and even when he does work he pays out over $800 a month on childsupport. We have NEVER had our own place (weve been together for 5 1/2 years and married for over 1 1/2). He is the most critical person, not just to me (ALL the time) but to people he doesnt even know, about situations that have NOTHING to do with him. He wont ever go to church with me (Im no "holly roller" or anything but he flat out refuses to go with me), and he has only been to about 5% of the family get togethers that my side of the family has had over the cours of our relationship. I dont have the money right now for my own place and I cant move in with my folks (the house is crowded enough all ready). So I have come up with a plan. I am going to apply for some low-income housing in my area, and work this new job to save up for things that I need. As soon as I get accepted, I am going to move in and file for divorce the same day. Its just a matter of time. There are so many other things that he has done, but I dont want to write a book on it all right now. Thank you to everyone in advance for your support and advice. I will keep everyone updated on things around here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 4:10pm
Good Luck with everything... please keep us posted

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 9:04pm

Been there done that - but it took be 32 years to get out!! Co-dependency is a really hard thing to admit - and I find the dependent won't admit it. I have been the one that did it all, and honey let me tell you I got really tired!! I've been living in my own home for 10 months now. Hubby & I talk and get along fine most of the time. Then he goes on a screaming binge---but I can walk away and go home. Church life has truly been my salvation. I attend regularly - Sunday School and Worship Service. Hubby refuses. I don't want him to go to Hell, and pray for God to touch him. I believe God will intervene in our marriage, in HIS time, in HIS way. We may end up divorced, or not. At this point I don't know. H has been disabled for 26 years with acute chronic back pain, and has not had a job in all that time. He too is very critical, and turned on me the last few years like a junkyard dog. I was physically ill from the stress. His self-medicating became a real issue becuase I'm not risking jail time even for him. You hang in there sweetie, living like that teaches your kids that that behavior is acceptable. My only child was married with kids before his Dad got so bad. Otherwise I would have left sooner. We were best friends for so long, I thought. Boy was I wrong - I was the giver and he was the taker. But I had to get away from it to see it. You'll be fine - God will provide for your needs IF you ask and have faith. I'm living proof!!

Godspeed, and hugs to you