DH dropped the bom last night ..
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DH dropped the bom last night ..
| Tue, 07-17-2007 - 7:08am |
Hi my name is Jessica .. im 27 with 2 kids ages 4 1/2 and 2 .. my husband of 5 years just told me last night that he doesn't have the same feelings for me as he used too .. basically saying he doesn't love me any more ... we were having trouble back in March but decided to try and work things out .. he refuses to do counceling saying its not going to change his feelings for me .. and I just found out last night ( thanks to my daughter needing a cup of water ) that he is talking to some girl .. I dont know the extent of there relationship .. he wont tell me anything .. but here it was 12:30 am and he is talking to a girl on his phone out side in the CAR .. he obviously was trying to hide it from me .. I am HEART BROKEN to say the least ... he says that this girl he was talking to has NOTHING to do with how he feels about me and is not the reason he wants to leave .. but how can I believe him when he is talking to her all hours of the night?!? .. and he wont even tell me how long this has been going on, I never suspect it for the least... he is always home after work .. goes to play basket ball a couple nights a week but I know thats legit .. ugh ... I just dont know what to expect now .. im sure he is going to be staying here for a while .. I NEED him to stay here for a while .. I dont know what else to do, I only work part time with 8 dollars an hour .. I have no schooling .. im screwed .. please help .. any thoughts of wisdom from those going through a similar situation as me would be appreciated .. I didn't get ANY sleep last night .. I feel like my heart has been riped out of my chest .. he was my best friend, my soul mate .. and now its over just like that

































BTDT-
I just wanted to let you know you are not the only one in this type of situation.
It's not an easy path. B-
I so understand where you are coming from. My H let me know on June 30. Two days later he just happened to meet a girl (10 years younger), and they happened to like eachother, and have had dates since then. He even had her at our time share.
I am at home with our 2 boys, a mess, and he is out on dates, being a bachelor. We were together for 10 years, know eachother for 16. In the space of 2 weeks, he has totally moved out and on. I am still a mess, at home with the boys.
I feel just sick. I don't know which way to turn. He has this whole set of friends from work that support him, and that I was kept separate from. He even used to tell me that he wanted to keep work life separate from friends and family. Imagine my surprise when that changed so quickly.
His new girl was introduced to him by a friend from work and she happens to be a consultant there. Yesh. Now I really regret encouraging him to work there. The money is great and so is the insurance, but it caused me to lose my husband. It makes me sick.
I am starting counseling for this because I am going to lose it. I need to talk with people who understand what I am going through. I don't eat really anymore. I rarely sleep, and I let thoughts about his new girl eat away at my soul. If I am going to survive this, I need to find myself again.
Enough of a vent about me. I just want you to know that I soooo understand and that you are not alone. One day at a time, one hour at a time. We will survive. I also hold on to the notion that what goes around comes around when it all evens out. KWIM.
Akira
Hi I really have no advice, I am in a very similar situation with my husband. He has been gone since June 22 we have been married for 11 years and have 3 wonderful boys. This has been the worst thing I have ever been through, but can say that it is getting a little easier as the time goes on. One thing I have done is read a post on the betrayed spouse board and the 180 plan, it does seem to make some since. I am trying to follow that now it is hard but I am doing it. My husband will not tell me anything either which I think is worse than knowing. I do know that he is talking to a female but past that I have no clue, but I am expecting the worst. When confronted with the information I had found out he told me it was none of my business. My H seems to want to have his cake and eat it to because he will not file or even talk about me doing it but says we do not get along and that a female he is talking to is none of my business. I would not wish this pain on anyone, but know that coming here and reading other stories helps with the isolation and feeling that you are the only one going through this.
C.
I just have to tell you, after reading your post, that everything will get better. I know exactly what you are going through-from the seperate life to the other women. I was seperated 3 times before I actually went through with the divorce (Feb-07) and even then I was dragging my feet. And I have to say with each passing day, you will get better and better. It is 50 steps forward and 30 back maybe, but you will make head way. I have no regrets (and in the end, I found out he had a pregnant fiance, while he was still trying to "work things out" with me). I was so scared I was going to make the wrong decision for my son and my life, but in the end I wasted an extra 6 years with someone that never changed. I forgave the unforgivable only to be slapped back in the face.
So-what I am trying to say is you will feel like you can't go on. And you will feel like things will never be "normal". I am here to tell you they will. It is hard but you will be fine and your children will be fine. You will start eating and sleeping again. (a little at a time) Try counseling or meds. they work wonders!!! Take time to find yourself and enjoy your children. Things happen for a reason and maybe God has a different plan for you.
I took my "get out of jail free card" and ran as fast as I could. (it just took me 3 seperations and 6 years-but I DID IT!!!!)
Take care and best of luck.
Just sending you HUGS!!
I remember the sleepless nights. Still have 'em.
I am SO sorry.
Take one step, one day, at a time. It will take alot of sorting out and figuring out and feeling it out.
Come here for support and hugs anytime!
M