Did he ever love me???
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| Fri, 10-06-2006 - 3:20am |
I am passed angry and sad stage. Now that my feelings for my husband is totally dead, I now realize that he was really, really a terrible husband. I am really surprised at myself how I could have not seen the reality when everyone else saw it. EVERYONE was complaining about my husband, and I was defending him! I was beyond generous.
I realize how much I have changed from a maid to a decision maker. I had to change since I was not receiving any support from him. Come to think about it, I noticed his negative side before the marriage, but I just accepted it. Come to think about it, he was always over possessive about me and didn't even like me staying at the college library when we were dating. I lost friends because I got tired of his complaints. He never wanted to introduce me to his friends and co-workers. He must have something that he wants to hide. I remember he was freaked out about AIDS test when I got pregnant.
At this point, I am so glad that I don't have AIDS or any other disease... I know because I did an extensive physical check up. Again, what was I thinking... I am really scared of my impare judgement. Hopefully I learned a lot from this experience. My girl friend told me I am such an open field when it comes to a relationship... I can make good business decisions but when it comes to men, I am retarded. Next time, I will have to really assess a guy that I hang around with, if there will be any...

Try not to be too hard on yourself. His behaviour is his behaviour, and yes, you allowed it to happen, but if you're like many of us you may not have had much positive modelling as far as relationships go to begin with.
All I can say is do as much "work" on you as possible! Go for counselling, join self help groups, read, read, read, and learn better ways of handling people and relationships. That's my plan ;) I don't trust myself to choose another partner either, but my hope is that with a lot of work on me, I will find someone with whom to build the kind of relationship I've always wanted.
I can tell you my
Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda
Hey Brenda, what I did was focus on me only... I basically kept myself busy like crazy and did not allow myself the time to think about anything... I live with our 3 kids, work full-time, go to college full-time, volunteer at school every week, have a personal trainer and work-out 4 days a week, meet with other parents and kids over the weekend... I just went nuts... After 2 years of not having time at all, I realized I was able to live without him... Yet, I collapsed about a few weeks ago, so it is very exhausting too. But at least I got over him, and my life is moving forward.
Now that I am over him, I have a lot to figure out about myself... and that is going to be tougher than the crazy schedule because there is no answer right in front of me. I wish you well!