Did not sleep together

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Did not sleep together
11
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 9:13am

We decided it was not time. Anyway, after a talk and some arguing...I mean he DID offer it and took it away...it was decided that neither of us were ready for that step.

Melissa...hating being a grown-up

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 9:19am
You sound comfortable with your decision. That is good. I'll continue to pray for you and your husband. May God bless you and bring you two back together again. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 9:20am

I think this was a good move for you :-)


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 9:47am

I am glad you think I did the right thing. I also told him he did not define me.I told him I would not be a booty call and that if he planned to F and run, to think again because sex no matter what was an amotional thing for me because I am in love still with him.

I have allowed too many guys define who I am and I lost who I was. I found myself and then met Shane and let him take my identity. He didn't want to....I forced it. He loved me as I was and then I changed. I became dependent on him and he's the type of guy who gets off on independent women. He wanted me to have a life other than him. No other men, but just friends, a job, school, etc. Whatever I chose that would make me feel whole. I'm working on that and when I do feel whole again, we'll see what happens. But I will have love. I will have fun and I will define my own life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 9:55am

You need to check out my all time Favorite Book (which helped me define me!)


In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want --Iyanla Vanzant


Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 10:11am

hi...i understand your DH is >>"the type of guy who gets off on independent women.">>, but it seems hes a bit demanding about that (IMO)...i mean, doesn't he take into consideration that in the last few years you moved to his area and thus need to take some time to make new friends, etc?...plus, didn't you have a baby in that time too?...babys often take a lot of our attention those first couple of years...its sad to me, to hear of a husband making his wife uncomfortable to just take a breather to raise her baby, to let her take some time to get on her feet in a new community and make some friends, get a job, etc...from my perspective, your husband actually seems to be quite demanding of you and his intolerance to you taking a normal time to adjust is unfair...and then to actually separate, to move out of the house, because his wife, mother to his baby, is not out socializing more?...that seems very extreme IMO.

i'd think it would happen naturally that as your baby matures and you get used to your new neighborhood, you'd begin to have your world open up more....you mention little league games with your son, IMO thats a suitable and common outting for a young mom...i see you post you have a job and go to school...what more does he expect of you?...that you go out with partying friends?

i just think hes been unfair to push you this way and make you feel insecure about your naturual focus on your family, home, and husband...you sound like a normal woman who adores her family and its a shame hes discontent with his blessings.

just my $.02

best to you!

honey




Edited 5/31/2007 10:13 am ET by honeynvinegar2003

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 10:42am

I do have enough in me to say, "Great choice Mel!!"

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 10:51am
I stayed out of the dialog but I was hoping real hard that you weighed the impact that that type of contact with someone you are in love with would have on you.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 10:52am
I agree 100% and it aggravates me that he would punish me for taking time out that HE suggested. I guess he got more than he bargained for. But what can a person expect out of someone who is not familiar with their surroundings, just had a baby, and her DH is always at work and never making time, even at lunch, for her? I can count on one hand since we've been together that he's invited me out to lunch with him, but he's always got time for his guy friends. But don't let me go there...I made a joke about him maybe being into guys since he seems to want to spend so much time out there with them and he BLEW HIS STACK!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 10:52am
Thanks, Sweetie! I appreciate that comment.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 10:58am

I know you little, but what I've come to know, you deserve more than that and for more than just one night!

M

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