Did you get to this point too?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2003
Did you get to this point too?
11
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 5:27pm

You don't even think talking about the history of your relationship gets you anywhere.

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Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 7:42pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2003
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 8:00pm

That is what I think is sad about this.


When we met it really, really was happily ever after.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 8:48pm

Your story is really SAD.


I was talking to my mother about this stuff the other day..I don't think "humans" are meant to spend eternity together.


I think they are making a "reality" show about it....I said it 10 years ago...when my fairytale ended...and we forced it to stay together...it got worse and worse for us and worse and worse for our kids and instead of 1 kid...we brought another one into the "mess"; subconsciously trying to fix it.....and it just kept getting worse.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 9:08pm

Hi kader,


Your situation sounds somewhat similar to mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 07-23-2008 - 11:57am
My STBX sounds pretty similar to yours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2003
Wed, 07-23-2008 - 2:46pm

Isn't it funny how this all ends up going down?


I met DH when I was 23 and he was 34.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 07-23-2008 - 2:59pm

I think our husbands should meet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Wed, 07-23-2008 - 5:39pm

How funny. I kinda feel like all of your husbands when it comes to the social department. I never had a social life outside the marriage only because my STBX made me feel obligated to make friends that HE liked or I would be ridiculed for having them. You see he has a VERY big head (and I don't mean hat size) and thinks VERY highly of himself. Now that we don't live together, I have gotten in touch with my best friend from high school and we are rekindling our friendship. (I had quit talking to her b/c she is a wicken and DH strongly disapproved.....He was raised as a southern Baptist). Her religion NEVER mattered to me. What mattered is that she has a big heart, she's non-judgmental, and apparently VERY forgiving (Since I had quit talking to her b/c of selfish STBX).

As far as working though, this is the first time I have EVER had a part time job. I have always worked full time (one at a job that I HATED) so that I could put him though school. Now it was SUPPOSED to be MY turn to go to school (hence the pt job) and I find myself either having to get a 2nd pt job, or quit going to school full time so that I can get ANOTHER full time job and go to school part time AGAIN....all of this while HE gets to work on his Ph.D.. I really think that's the only thing that I'm completely bitter about. I have been working on my bachelors degree for EIGHT YEARS!!!!!! I should be graduating from Med school by now. I helped him get to where he is and now I have to support MYSELF financially just to get my degree in Biology. I can't even get anymore student loans anymore b/c of him.

Like I said before, the one thing that DOES make me smile is that knowing that I will be making more than him with a bachelors degree than he will with his precious Ph.D.. (He's an English major and have done some research in both fields just to see) But he said that he's sacrificed b/c he worked full time at a job that he hated. OK, first of all I have ALWAYS worked full time while he was in school....5 yrs at a job that I hated b/c it paid well and had great benefits. He worked full time ONCE since we've been together (7 yrs) and it was only for 3 months and the only benefit it provided was the online affair he had with the stupid floozy he had met there....some benefit huh?

I just don't understand how blinded I was to his selfishness. I mean I have ALWAYS had to sacrifice my education for his. If there was a conflict with our school schedules, I was the one who had to change mine. If there was only enough money for one of us to go to school during the summer, it was him who got to take the class. I wish I could have seen him for the selfish a$$hole that he is. I even told him that marriage is give and take....not that I give and HE takes. I have also told him that marriage is a PARTNERSHIP and not a DICTATORSHIP. So glad that he listened and tried to be sensitive to my feelings.

So now I'm at the point where I just don't care what he thinks. I now realize that I need to live my life for ME and not HIM. I think that that ticks him off more than anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 07-24-2008 - 10:55am
I don't understand why you couldn't get student loans in your name after you get div.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Thu, 07-24-2008 - 2:22pm

No, he has his student loans in his name, and I have mine in my name. I say that I can't get anymore b/c of him b/c I have reached my max as an undergrad. Only I wouldn't still be an undergrad if I hadn't been going to school part time to put him though school. I would only have out about 1/2 the amount out that I already have if I had been going full time.

Glad he was as supportive of me as I was of him.....stupid jerk!

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