Did you want out or did he?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Did you want out or did he?
16
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 10:52pm

Did you want out or did he?



  • The split was my idea
  • The split was his idea
  • It was mutual
  • Other (please specify)


You will be able to change your vote.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 7:34am
While I believe that it was a mutual decision, he played both ends against the middle and forced me to be "the bad guy" and move out. I was willing to work on the marriage where he wasn't, but he also wasn't willing to pull the plug.

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 9:24am
While it's true that the action on the divorce was taken by him, I had considered it from time to time myself during his issues w/ other women. I always felt that we still loved each other and that we could work on things. Quite simply - that's where we didn't see eye to eye. He didn't want to work on things. So - Game over.

- J. Darling

Singehttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v244/JDarling/Headshots/Picture001.jpgr, Songwriter, Author for Celebr

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 1:54pm
He totally shocked me when he served me with divorce papers. I didn't know there was that bad of a problem. Found out a year later that he had kissed another woman the first of Febuary and the guilt was killing him. He served me on March 4, 2005. Still to this day I love him and would take him back. OW has gone back to her husband. He is really hurting. Pray for us, Please. We need him to come home.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 8:33pm
Great poll!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 11:48pm
I chose "other" although I felt it was

Hugs~ Lexi

"Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars" ~ Les Brown


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2003
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 12:34am
Voted other - Now ex-H gaslighted me for a year after the A, got OW pregnant and one day just left our son and I - he packed up his stuff while I was at work - I then filed. Best thing I ever did. I now sleep peacefully at night and my son is with me all the time - I won!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 5:26am
I voted that I wanted out. After 20 years of abusing me, he shouldn't have been surprised.... but he was. Such a *bright* fellow...

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 1:11pm

Loves -
I hope all is going well with you.

My XH had threatened to leave me probably a dozen times over our 20 year marriage. It usually happened when he felt "trapped", I think - like when our first child was born - he walked out a week later. He was only gone for a few hours, but in that time, I decided that I didn't need him, that I could raise our child by myself if I had to. I wish I'd changed the locks back then & told him to stay out. I'd have been happier as a single mom, I think.

Whenever he would threaten to leave, I'd beg him to stay. And then I'd spend the next 6 months cursing myself for stopping him.

It took me years and years of emotional abuse, but I finally wised up and walked out. And I'm soooooo happy that I did!

- L.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 5:17pm


I could not have said it better myself. That is EXACTLY how I feel. In the end, I felt my hand was forced, and I had to file due to his inaction. But somehow, the divorce became all my fault.


Same situation about the marriage. He refused to come home at night, and refused counseling at the end. Yet he wouldn't file. It still puzzles me! But I do feel better knowing I'm not the only one who was in this situation. He would tell me that my choices tore this family apart (ie - going ahead with the divorce). Of course, his abysmal behavior over 12 years had nothing at all to do with it.




Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 8:43pm

At first, right after he got charged with his felony & misdemeanor, he wanted out. Said he didn't want to put me through the court trial, etc. I said no, we've only been married for two months, I'm going to stick by you till the end.

Exactly a year to the day of his arraignment, I kicked him out. Couldn't stand his attitude about how everything in life sucked, how everything that ever happened was someone else's fault, etc. Especially couldn't deal with him deliberately breaking his probation and restitution orders.

Funny how the tide turns, isn't it???

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