Difficulties with joint custody
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Difficulties with joint custody
| Sun, 03-20-2005 - 5:34pm |
We've been separated since February and we have yet to work out any real custody plan. We're supposed to take turns having them during the week and every other weekend. Well every weekend that it's his turn to have them I end up with them. I'll get home from work Friday night and he'll drop them off. The last two weekends I've had to myself I've ended up with them while on his weekends he gets the whole time to himself. It's not right. He's taking advantage of it. Tonight he was supposed to have them so I went ahead and made dinner for myself. I had everything cleaned up and was folding clothes when he drops them off unannounced and unfed.

Isn't it funny how they assume we have no life and can be available whenever they can't keep their commitments?
I think it to be common courtesy to call you first. It may not be ok with the kids that he drop them off and it may be hurting them more than you/he know.
I have had this happen more than once. My ex ( when he took them ) would call me EVERYTIME and say he needed to drop off the kids early. Most of the time I would be out doing something. I would, stop what I am doing and meet him somewhere to pick the kids up. I couldn't deny my own kids..... and everytime I was mad at XH. I finally had a talk with XH about how important it is for him to keep them all weekend as he only gets 4 days a month and then I threw in..... if you were a father you would be around them 24 hours a day 7 days a week regardless of what "you" want to do.
Oh I hear you! I've worked late a couple of evenings when he's supposed to have had them and have come home at 9:00 at night with two of them home alone. It really sucks because if they do come home I can't just send them back. Our respective places are within walking distance. If he goes someplace they get bored and walk home!
This weekend he took the youngest to a basketball game and left the older ones at home. He doesn't plan to do things that they would all want to do. I feel terrible for being upset because they are home on my weekends off, but alot of times I've made plans with friends!
I make more money than he does so of course child support issues are going to come up. I don't feel that I should give HIM money when the custody isn't exactly equal.
Child support in most states is based on income *and* the amount of time you have them. He can't want joint custody and have cs based on that, and then not keep them during his parenting time.
I feel bad for your children. They need time with both parents and it's really sad when one parent can't hold up their end of the parenting bargain. I think there are two negative things about every-other-weekend visitation, the first is that children's time is very lopsided and they are really only parented by one person and this allows the other parent to be the 'fun' parent (really both parents should be parenting and have fun time with the children); and the second is that the 'fun' parent gets to rebuild his/her life, have friends and lots of activities while the other parent hardly gets a break. I do miss my dd when she is with her dad (every other week) but she needs that time with him, he needs that time to be a real parent to her, and I need the time to have a life too.
You need to get a formal agreement in place ASAP that will guarantee you both time with the kids ;-)
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~