Disallusioned after 1 year

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Disallusioned after 1 year
5
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 12:16pm
Sept 2, 2006 marked the 1 year anniversary of my divorce. For some odd reason I really bought into the fact that I'd be so much further along emotionally. As I look back over the last 18 months of my life ( adjusting to a move to a new state, a new job, getting my kids settled in new schools, new friends, the divorce, completely restructuring financially, buying a home...) no wonder I get so easily overwhelmed, I'm 30 pounds overweight, I cry myself to sleep and have gone back into therapy - it's so much. After being married to an alcoholic for 19 years - when he left I thought I'd finally be able to breathe. Oh I'm breathing alright - into a paper bag!! I know I need to give myself time - the hard stuff should be behind me now and life should settle in but - I'm tired and feeling weak and my self esteme is so beat up. Someone out there please - could you at least reasure me that this emotional stuff is all normal - I feel like I'm about to break. I want to be over this and like myself again. Thanks
Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 2:54pm

Hey, go easy on yourself! You said --adjusting to a move to a new state, a new job, getting my kids settled in new schools, new friends, the divorce, completely restructuring financially, buying a home...)-- that is a LOT! You've acomplished so very much! I'm feeling very proud of you and I hope you are too :). Hugs!

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 6:55pm
Hey You, I know what you are feeling. I am over a year and a half out and I am still breathing into a paper bag myself. I wish I knew what to tell you about seeing the end. I have been trying to move on, but every time I take a step it seems as if God is drawing me back to my ex. I wish I could see into the future to know if I am even going in the right direction. Lord, I need a map. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.
Hugs to You! Brenda


Edited 9/17/2006 6:56 pm ET by mebrenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2006
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 8:32pm
Thanks for the words of encouragement. People tell me I should be proud of myself all the time "you're the strongest person I know" they say - but strangely, I don't proud or strong. I feel like I have this huge hole in my life and it's not for lack of a relationship (thats the last thing I need!). I think it has everything to do with my self esteme being so out of whack. I feel so inconsistent at work, at home - I just want to level out. My other friends seem to be moving on, developing relationships (but they also have family and support near by) - my parents are gone and my sisters 5 states away. I need a break and I just don't know how to get one. On a positive note - Thanks for reaching out to me - it did help. I planted perenials in the yard today and vacuumed out the car while the kids played in the yard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2006
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 8:40pm
Thanks Brenda -
It does help to know I'm not crazy or alone (with all responsibilities sitting on my shoulders!). My x is 7 hours away but that doesn't keep him from calling - talking to the kids and then wanting to talk to me - asking me how I am (because he is an alcoholic and has not been able to move on with his life because I carried him around for 19 years). It is hard to make the break - they were part of our supposedly "happily ever-after" plan that fizzled miserably. I feel many days like I'm just getting "through" the day. Work, kids, school, homework, dinners....repeat, repeat, repeat. Time for me is pretty non-existent since I have no family nearby and friends are great but have lives too. Thank you so much for reaching out to me - take care. Carolyn
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 9:19am
You have accomplished so much, you deserve a pat on the back. Give yourself a break, it hasn't been that long. You've made all these changes, and you were married to the man for 19 years. Even though he is out of your life, I think you need to give yourself time to work through everything you dealt with while married to him.