Disappointed and Scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Disappointed and Scared
3
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 1:44pm
I'm 25 and just had my 4th wedding anniversary June 1st and I'm starting to think we may not make it to our 5th year. I work 40 hours a week as a Compliance Officer for a credit union, go to school FT working towards my finance deg. and I am also a mother of a 2 1/2 year old son.
Up until this point I have balanced everthing relatively well and that was with full support from not only my husband but my family too. Lately, my husband feels that I'm being neglective towards our son and that I'm more concerned about work and school than him. I understand that I do not have as much avail. time as someone who works only. Most of the time I'm only able to stop at home for 15 mins before I take off for school only to return after 9 at night, this usually is the routine 4 nights a week. I hate that I can't be home more often and that the only real quality time I have with our son is just on the weekends. Though, when the weekends come I do really try to make the most of it eventhough I'm catching up on laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, errands and homework. Sometimes I'm just plain pooped, so no I don't get to take our son out to the park, etc.
My husband and I have had some really challenging moments in the last month and some things were said by him that were incredibly hurtful, some name calling and questioning my fidelity to him. I would never nor have I ever given him a reason so question my devotion to him. I am only trying to do what's right for our family, he has no intention of furthering himself. We've brought up the "seperation" idea and he says I would need to leave and that he would keep our son. Things have simmered down, but I still feel incredibly uncomfortable. School will start up again in August and I only have 2 more semesters to go. I just have a feeling that everything will blow up again. I know I'm a good person, I know that I am only doing what's right for our family in the long run, why can't he see that. No he rather sit on his but, enjoy his weed, play his video games,hang with his friends, clean the living room and kitchen occasionaly, and critize everthing that I do. When I was younger, I thought I could change him, help him see the light of being drug free and ambitious. I'm glad he can keep a job, but there's so much more to it than that. I have a feeling a may need to see an attorney...and that's incredibly sad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 2:39pm

frenchcurvez...

Unless your husband is "paying every single bill and is rearing your child completely by himself"---you DO have a 'say' in the divorce process---assuming you want to pursue it?

PG suggests you speak with a lawyer or legal advisor...and repeat to him (or her) what you've indicated in your post.

Unless you're an abusive or totally neglectful parent, you have as much right to joint child custody as your husband does!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 3:07pm
Unfortunately, not every relationship can survive full-time work and full-time school. Is your son in day care during the day? Then, I assume your husband takes care of the evening routine, correct? If you give us a little more background about how the typical day goes, hopefully, we can give some more suggestions and insight.




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 11:34am
You're young. Your family's young. Would you consider cutting your schooling in half and turning the 2 semesters into 4? That way you would have more time with the family and even more time for yourself. You would be less tired and less stressed. I'm just one poster but wouldn't it be worth it to find a happy medium and that way all three of you could be more relaxed and, hence, happier? You sound ambitious, and that certainly is admirable. Okay, now this might sound harsh and I really don't mean it to, but when I read the word "balanced" in your post, that isn't what I thought followed. It seems to me that it was unbalanced and very definitely leans toward your professional life. Of course, I don't have the full story, just what your wrote.