Divorce 101 needed...
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| Tue, 06-06-2006 - 2:13am |
Hi, I have been thinking about divorce for several years. STBX and I have 3 kids together, and I have been taking care of them with my own income for 2 years. STBX only sends me a half of their childcare and is 3 months behind even though he makes good money.
I have been going to counceling for several years, and finally ready to have a divorce. It may sound silly, but I have been going to a marriage counceling by myself... I learned a lot about myself, and I will continue the counceling until the divorce is over.
Now that I am ready for a divorce, I realize I don't know anything about it. Please recommned me with any divorce book for real biginners. I was going to a court house and just file for a divorce with CS. I am filing for the ground of abandonment. But I was just warned by a friend of mine that he can delay the process by not showing up. I thought if he does not show up, the divorce will go into default? How can he delay the process??? How come it is OK to delay the process!!! I just don't get it... Do we have to agree upon the settlement amount? I thought the judge will decide everything! What if we never come to an agreement???
Any comment is appreciated. In a meanwhile, I am going to a library to look for a book on divorce... I can already feel this is going to be very energy and money consuming process... I need to understand the general rules of divorce so that I an in control of my situation. At this point, I am not even ready to speak with an attorney...

Hi there...
First of all, I'm glad to hear that you're in counseling... it can help a great deal, even if it is just you going... so that is a good thing... you may find it helpful to continue even after the divorce is done, as it still can take a bit of adjustment sometimes...
I would recommend that, instead of a book, that you do some research, perhaps through your state's bar association to start figuring out what your rights are... Also, check out this board's website as well as the CL's here have made it jam-packed with very useful information... I would also strongly encourage you to speak with an attorney (many of them offer consultations at a fairly resonable (if any) cost) to just get that further clarification.
Since you have children involved, I do not know if I would file w/o an attorney, but that is just me... I would also encourage you to file for child support enforcement so that hopefully your stbx's check can be garnished for the amount he owes you so he won't be able to get behind.
I know you may not feel ready to talk to an attorney... I remember my first conversation with one was me balling while the attorney talked... but that it the good thing about the attorney, is their emotions are out of it, so they can provide you with sound advice regarding your situation...
Good Luck and Keep us posted!
Julie
Thank you. After speaking with several people, I realize that I do need a lawyer. I am going to my district court tomorrow and ask for some information including free legal service... I have given myself a 2-week period to do some reseach before contacting attorneys. I also found out that I an entitled to several free legal counseling with attorneys through my company's Employee Assistance Program.
I have 3 kids, work full-time, and go to school full-time all by myself... I am only 3 classes away from graduating, but took a break this summer as I don't want the divorce to affect my grade and work performance... I will focus on finalizing the divorce this year so that I can move on. But I realize this is HUGE! My husband already started acting up. My work is very, VERY understanding and supportive. As a matter of fact, they are covering all of my counseling cost. My boss is an attorney, and he is giving me good advices and how it may affect me. So I am preparing myself to divorce my verbally abusive husband.
Wow... all I can say is that I am terribly impressed... I only have one child and work full time, but cannot imagine finding the time to go to school too... Congratulations on coming this far with your schooling...
I'm glad to hear that you have decided to get some advice from an attorney. And EAP's are wonderful. I actually used mine to get some counseling while I was going through my divorce and separation process...
I'm glad to hear that you have a supportive boss... that will help a great deal. During my divorce, my goal was to not slip backwards. Fortunately, everything started during our busiest time of the year, so I was slammed at work, so I was able to keep my mind off of things... at the same time, my bosses were very understanding and even though I was at the point where they wanted to promote me, they let me tell them when the time was right...
Good Luck and Keep us posted...
*hugs*
Julie
Hi
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Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
wow - good for you. you seem to have taken control over your life - and i know how difficult that is after bing in an abusive marriage.
i don't think its weird going to marital counseling on your own - i did go with my ex for a short while, but it was almot like going alone - he just sat there like a log. the most he participated was to say something like 'you may have a point there' once or twice. at some point he just stopped going because 'he didn't need it' and i continued on my own and it was the best thing i ever did.
so - counseling is a good step, and it sounds like you have an amazing support system in place which is the second thing that you need. i hope your stbx doesn't give you too much trouble but hang in there and be strong!!
and don't be afraid to come here and vent..
huge hugs!!
I don't think going to individual counseling is strange at all I have been in therapy for years and wouldn't trade a day of it for marriage counseling with my husband. We tried three different counselors together and I found that I was leaving after the session more angry and frustrated then had to calm down at my indiv. counselors office. I decided to save money and fire the marriage counselor and hire an attourney. Sounds like you are really taking care of yourself.
-Cheryl