divorce after almost 25 years

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2008
divorce after almost 25 years
28
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 9:11am
My husband fri, asked me for a divorce, no less on the phone. I am shocked, scared and I feel very alone. We have two daughters 22 and 19, shockingly seem to be ok with it. They are angry at me and talk to him. I can't understand this, I feel like I'm living in hell. He provides medical and I make a very small salary. I'm 44 and so damn scared...how will I make ends meet. How do you go on????

"This new  path I must lead will lead me to europhoria"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 10:12pm

Purple,


hey, I've been there, still there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 2:08pm
I don't know. I don't know how we go on. I've been asking myself that for 2 weeks since my husband of 20 years told me he wants a divorce. Also over the phone. He's been working out of state for several months since losing his job, leaving me with kids & a house near foreclosure. While he's been gone he's found a life he enjoys & and an 'interest' that he doesn't know I know about. I can't quit begging him. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I just shake & cry. Every day it gets harder & harder to get out of bed. I went for chemical support - Paxil & Xanex (until the Paxil kicks in) but it isn't working very well. Tomorrow I drive several hours because his religious counsel told him he should face me. I terrified of facing his rejection to up close & personal. I don't know how to survive this. I don't even want to. But... we aren't alone. Maybe we'll figure it out together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 2:59pm

I know exactly what you are feeling. I know what panic attacks are all about. It is about changes, it is about your brain going 24/7 you need to slow down your thinking and your breathing. Go to the book store and get a book about panic attacks the more you understand the less you will have them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2008
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 8:26pm

thank you for responding.. I'm taking xananx.


today was not a good day. I had therapy which always leaves me better. But somehow I feel like i'm in this whole. Was my life a lie? We went on a cruise in june, he had this all planned.. I hate him and I love him...


"This new  path I must lead will lead me to europhoria"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2008
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 7:54pm
daisy you can email me at dakotaq@aol.com... I'm having a tough time...

"This new  path I must lead will lead me to europhoria"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 11:04pm

purple,


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 9:21pm

hi carl


I'm still trying to figure it out. I'm still crying, tomorrow will be 4 weeks and I feel as if I was just told ( on the phone no less)


I have two girls 22 and 19, both at home and in college. They are very indifferent and try not take sides..


"This new  path I must lead will lead me to europhoria"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 4:16pm

purple


You will survive this,you just have to take it one day,one second at a time. I will try to give you the short story of my D. I am going to be 52years old this Oct. Back in 2003 my H of 26years left me a computer written letter on my countertop telling me he had been to a lawyer and was filing for a D. To say I was totally blindsided is an understatement. When I first started reading the letter,I kept reading thinking at the end was going to say, "Just Kidding" it didn't. After 26years of M I did not even deserve a face to face.


I still to this day don't know why he wanted a D. I asked but was told "I don't have to give you a reason" . This man who I thought I knew better then anyone turned into someone I did not know at all. The things he allowed his lawyer to do to me during my 3year D was terrible. Yep you read right, my X drug on the D for 3years until I ran out of $$.


I went into the D broke because every cent of my paycheck would pay the bills while his went to buy his toys. In fact in order to pay my first lawyer I had to take out a personal loan,then once she quit my case I had to hire a second layer and pay yet another retainer fee. In the end I would have to bet I shelled out thousands and thousands of $$ in lawyers fee.


My only advice is get a GOOD lawyer. I think because my lawyer knew I was broke she didn't try very hard to get me what I deserved in the end. After 26years of M I only got alimony for 10years I did qualify for perm. alimony but because my dear H lied thru his teeth about when he was going to retire I could not get permm alimony.


I am also unable to work due to severe anxiety ,I did work full time for 22 of my 26year M but am now on full disability. So my total income per month is just my disability check and my $1000 per month alimony check which in total of the 2 is $2000. OH and my X makes just about 90thousand bucks per year and all he has to pay me is $1000/month for 10years.


SO basically I live hand to mouth and once the 10years is up ,don't really know what I'm going to do. My X in the mean time just moved into his and his g/f half a million $$ new home. HE met her 2months after moving out.


Also he moved out in Jan of 2005 so all of 2004 he continued to live in my house ,did not speak to me the entire time etc.


While my life has changed ALOT and while I do get lonely I would rather live alone then live with someone who has told everyone who will listen that he never loved me. Basically I wasted 26years of my life being married to someone I didn't know.


Times will get hard for you but you will survive. You will loose friends because I think the married ones thinks D is something they can catch. You will find out who your true friends are at this time. Just remember,DO NOT settle during your D, no matter what. This is the rest of your life and you need to hold him responsible. I have said if I ever win the lottery,my X a** is going down.!!


Email me if you want at any time,cause I have been there,done that. Hang in there and "Let Go, Let God"

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