Divorce due to weight gain

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
Divorce due to weight gain
13
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 1:15am
So here is my story in a nutshell. I was married to my husband for six years, and dated him two years prior to that. We had a good marriage (so I thought) Yes we had our moments of fighting, but we had a lot of great times, a lot of good memories, and some great sex. Over the six years of marriage, I have put on weight. I have ALWAYS had a weight problem, and was overweight when we got married. Once in a while my husband would make a comment about my weight, but those times were few and far between, and I didn't think it was a big deal because he would tell me how beautiful I was, and we were intimate with each other. Plus,I have tried NUMEROUS diets and work out programs to no avail. So last July, my husband sits me down and tells me he is fed up with my weight, he is embarrased of how I look, and that he deserves a hot, sexy wife. Also, he is "possibly" interested in another woman. Huh? This was like being hit with a truck. Keep in mind, husband is an ex professional body builder, and is a fanatic about working out and being fit. So I join LA Weight Loss, join Curves, and really want to work on myself and our marriage. So far have lost 24 pounds. Well, two weeks ago, husband comes to me and tells me he wants a divorce. He is no longer attracted to me, is angry that I put on weight, and that he just doesn't want to be married to me anymore. He feels that my weight will be a lifelong struggle, and has lost hope that I will ever lose the weight completely. I felt like I was hit with two trucks this time! The issue I'm having is that I have this big sense of guilt like I should have taken the weight gain more seriously a long time ago, and that maybe if I would have gotten control of it early on, I wouldn't be in this situation. On the other hand, I get really mad because there is SO much more to me than my body, and I am sick and tired of people judging me because of how much I weigh! I am a good person with a big heart, and I feel that I was a good wife to my husband. I am now commited to losing the weight for myself and nobody else. In the meantime, I feel betrayed, devastated, stunned, and very unattractive and unsexy. Has anyone else had serious issues with weight gain and marriage?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 2:22am

Remember this and repeat it to yourself each and every morning as soon as you wake up.

"I am beautiful. I deserve to be happy."

My daughter was born in 1998. During the pregnancy and afterwards, I put on about 70-80 pounds. My self esteem plumetted. I tried over and over to lose the weight. Of course, during this time, my h was telling me I was fat; I disgusted him; he wasn't attracted to me anymore, etc. Each day I slipped lower and lower until I couldn't sink any lower. During the time he was doing this, he was in communication with other women (one of which he would eventually leave me for). He was telling me this so he would feel better about cheating on me. Sometimes when people are doing something that they know is wrong, they will hurt the ones they love to make themselves feel better. I've been there. I've been divorced for 3 1/2 years. I finally got most of the weight off, but I'm still struggling to get the rest off.

Bottomline: You are beautiful--personality, appearance. Don't let him beat you down to lift himself up. If you choose to lose weight,that's great; but do it for YOU! Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Only worry about how you feel.

Favorite quote: "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission." Eleanor Roosevelt.

Work everyday on building your self esteem. Love yourself. Be what You want to be.

Stay strong and Good Luck!!

Becka

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 7:34am

Ask your husband why he married you cause he can't have

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 7:49am

May,


Some men want to be seen with a living Barbie Doll. To them I say, "Go to the toy store and buy one."


It sounds like your husband is more concerned with how HE is perceived, then whether he is happily married. (To that type of man, I say, "good luck" becuase one day he'll be old, wrinkled, and ALONE)


Your husband sounds like

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 7:59am

My ex pulled this too. My youngest child was just over three and I hadn't quite lost all the baby weight. When he met someone else he wanted to sleep with, he told me he was never attracted to me and that he never loved me. When I asked what I could to do help fix our problems, he told me I had to lose 40 pounds. I would have been AMACIATED if I lost 40 pounds! That would have brought me to about what I weighed in the 8th grade (and I was a thin kid)! I did lose weight (about 25 lb) and I felt great about it, but it still didn't work out. Our problems had nothing to do with how much I weighed, but all about HIM and his self esteem issues. I wish you the best of luck. You know if he wants out, it doesn't matter what you look like. Love yourself, hang in there.

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 9:10am
I can only say from my experience, dont be hard on yourself...he was likely unhappy with other things. I highly doubt it was just the weight. If you lost it...then it would be something else. If someone loves you truly and unconditionally, that wouldnt have been an issue. I weighed 132 when I met STBX...I am 5'8", had a very nice body and flat stomach. Then we had 2 kids...at the most I weighed 162. I never thoguht I was big, but STBX would make "joking" comments taht when we werent together anymore, he would find a girl who never had kids and wasnt "flabby" with a fat stomach and butt. Well, after we finally did seperate I went into a bad depression...still there, but meds help. I lost 20 lbs within 2 months...then more so. I am now 126 and although some other people think I look great, STBX makes comments that I am too skinny and I look almost skeletal (I do not) and that I lost my ass. Apparently his new gf is more like what I used to weigh while with him...and she has had a child so Im sure has the "flabbiness" I had. So point being....they will never be happy with you if its other things taht are making them unhappy...the weight is an easy...but painful way out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 11:11am

i am appauled by your H's attitude. Unless he looks like Brad Pitt or Russell Crowe and is hung like that porn star john holmes, then he needs to get off his high horse.

repeat after me:

"I am beautiful, I am gorgeous on the inside and the outside. I deserve to love and be loved by someone who appreciates me."

In other words, F*^& him! Superficial people, in particular, MEN are the WORST!!!!

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 12:12pm

I am getting a divorce due to my weight also. I am 5'5" and weigh between 170 - 180. I am a little heavy but I have been this size since we met. There were a few times I lost some weight without trying. I am a beautiful woman, I get comments all of the time, I just don't have the perfect body.

We tried marriage counseling but he was so stuck on if I didn't loose weight, it would never work. I decided he doesn't deserve me. Now I have a boyfriend who loves me for me and says he loves my curves - he doesn't love stick figures.

You will be happier in the long run - trust me. There are a lot of men who will appreciate you. My self confidence has been deflated and I am just now starting to feel beautiful again.

Good luck, only loose weight if you really want to - otherwise find a man who accepts you as you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 12:20pm

Wow!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 12:26pm
I hear ya!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 12:48am

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for your wonderful responses! You guys are so awesome and made me feel so much better about myself! Even though my ego has been deflated, I am starting to see my soon to be ex in a whole new light, and it is not a good one. I can't believe I've been married to such a shallow, egotistical, selfish person for such a long time. Thanks again!

--Mary

Pages