Divorce final 5/3 - Sad all over again

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Divorce final 5/3 - Sad all over again
12
Sat, 05-05-2007 - 10:00am

It was final 5/3. We are divorced. Within 6 months of hearing him on the phone with OW, we are no longer husband and wife.

We went out afterwards for lunch and few drinks. Got along like pals. Went to our old marital house to cook dinner on the grill for the kids and then planned on going home early. I begin harping on the same old SH**. Like why did he do this? When did you have sex with her? He tells me they had sex after I served him. I tell him things his friends confide in me. We both get upset. He tells me to leave (not so nicely). I start to pack up. He begs me not to leave this way. We end up talking and I give him a kiss goodnight. I try to call him when I get home. He doesn't answer. I took a day off yesterday with the kids to try and get my head together. He came to pick up the kids and didn't talk.

Now, as I drove into work today, I'm crying. I lost my friend. I just don't know how to move on. I've been out a few times and met some people, but I find something wrong. One guy basically told me the dating scene is different now and not many men will find a woman with 2 kids attractive. Another guy I met was nice to talk to but the sparks weren't there. I've been the counciling and to a therapist in the past. I know I have no self esteem at times. I know the tools to get over this but I'm stuck in this rut.

How do you move on when you lost the person you love? Sometimes I wish I was a widow so I could greive and move on. Life sucks sometimes.

Brenda

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 1:29pm

I understand your feelings. I know how much it hurts.

I can only relate my experience -- I came to realize that there never was a relationship nor a marriage to begin with. At first I grieved for something I thought I had but which did not exist.

Eventually the pain lessens and there is life after divorce. Its been nearly six years, I'm almost ready to date again.

If its any consolation, I'm watching my ex-wife repeat all the same actions/stunts with her current beau.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 8:08pm

My x and I were married for 17 yrs. and were actually together for 21 yrs. Your situation sounds just like mine. We've been divorced for 7 mos. and up until about 2 mos. ago he still lived with us (we have 2 children). I still love him very much, but like you, he fell out of love with me. That's a hard thing to say. We were best friends, until about 3 weeks ago I found out that he has been seeing someone that he befriended 4 yrs ago (the start of our problems).

I still cry almost everyday. We make better friends than spouses, but I keep thinking "what would our lives be like when we grew old together?" Now I don't even consider him my best friend anymore because I feel he betrayed me with this girl. This does suck! I don't know how to get over it, but I will and I know you will too.

We have children who need us so we will get through this. Take care.

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