Divorce is final soon - I am so scared!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Divorce is final soon - I am so scared!
3
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 12:00am
I really hope this helps. Even if no one responds, it's ok, atleast I'm getting it out! I am having another one of those bad nights.
So here's my story... My STBX and I got married young, and got pregnant shortly after. We discussed abortion (we were young, just starting off, needed more stability) and almost did it, but I was unable to. I told DH that I just couldn't do it, and he said he understood and he would be there no matter what my decision was. We now have a beautiful little boy!! (Now 15 months old!) I'm sure you know how stressful things are with a newborn and limited funds!! I couldn't handle it very well, and he was working all the time.
In March, DH's trouble causing little brother needed a place to stay. Keep in mind I have never met his family (ANY family members) before. He's from WI and I'm from TX, it's crazy that I never met them, I know! We just never could afford to go there. I kept in close contact with emails, cards, phone calls, though.
Anyway, I opened up our home to his brother, no problem. He was to stay on our couch and get a job right away, and stay no longer than 3 weeks. DH and I were all over each other and really getting along well at this point. When his brother showed up, DH was taking him to work with him and letting him use the computers there to find a job. The problem was he worked for my family's business and he was slacking off with his brother there. We had a computer at home and his brother did not need to be at the office. After two days of his brother staying with us, before DH left for work we got into a fight about his brother. I said it was not fair to do to my parents and he basically told me "well blood is thicker than water, F You, I don't want to be with you. I would pick my brother over you." WOAH! I was shocked because he always treated me with respect and never yelled at me.
From that point on, there was no reasoning with him. He made up his mind and he was moving out. He would only talk to me with his brother present which REALLY upset me. I felt all of a sudden, thanks to his brother, this man has become a little boy again!
I decided to move out with our son instead. I got a place, filed for divorce, started dating and met a nice guy who became my new boyfriend in May. STBX was never very nice to me, and made no point to see our son. Of course every once and a while he would show up, we would have sex, and I would fall apart.
I wanted him back so badly. In June when he was dropping off some money for a bill, we got to talking. And he said he really wanted to give us a try again. I was all for it and broke it off with the other guy. He bought me a new diamond ring, treated me like he was so in love with me, moved into my place, called me all the time, and went to counseling with me. I was so glad he was back, but I was so angry for what he had done. I just couldn't let it go and I would start fights with him. It only took two weeks for him to pack his stuff and leave. I was crying on the living room floor, a total mess, and he walked out with tears rolling down his face.
I begged him to come back, said we needed him. He refused, said he couldn't take the pain. He says he just wants to be happy and needs to move on. He said he tried. I honestly didn't believe he tried enough. I feel like I have to blame it all on me, because I kept pushing him away. I feel so much for him. I want him back so badly, and he won't even talk to me anymore. I know that I can't be with someone who doesn't care enough for me. Tonight, I wish we weren't getting a divorce. I don't want it to happen. I wish I could have him back. I really want to get over these feelings because I was in a much better state of mind before he came back the second time.
He leaves tomorrow to see his family for the first time since we've been married. He said to me "it takes divorcing you to get to see my family"... It hurt so bad!!! I wanted to meet his family more than anything. :( What a mess!

Shaundra

  • Wife to a handsome Combat Medic
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 8:09am

Meyers,


Sounds like your husband really wasn't ready to "leave home" and be independent nor accept his new role as a father and a husband. That's a sure sign of immaturity but unfortunately neither one of you have the luxury of waiting five years to get a little older and wiser. You have a son and you need to think about him, too.


You can stop the divorce any time, but do it with a plan. That plan should include marriage counseling for the two of you. Even if what you decide what's best is to part ways, you need the objectivity of a professional.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 4:17pm
I don't feel like I should stop the divorce... It's what he wants, he says he'll be happy once it's over. I would really like to stay together. Forcing him into is certainly not the answer.
He does need some time to grow up, but it will be too late then.
His brother moved back to Wisconsin a couple of weeks ago, along with the brand new truck my STBX financed for him!! The day DH decided he wanted to call it quits, he also quit his job at my parent's place. He burned a lot of bridges, and I warned him that it would be very hard to repair. He doesn't care, he refused to talk to my family or friends.
Now he's even joining the military, but won't tell me a thing. It's so painful to see this person who was there for me every day completely shut me out. I wish there were a magic word or something so SIMPLE that would fix all of this. Of course that's just wishing.
I don't want to, but it looks like 2 weeks from now he'll be gone for good. I have full custody of our son with the agreement he doesn't have to give me a dime. How nice it is to be him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 8:54pm
ARGH! Sounds like his brother had been "talking" to him since things seemed to go downhill when he moved in. How silly that he can't be a big boy and talk to you one on one without his brother. He is the one losing out. He will miss out on a great relationship and an intimate bond with his son. Try to disconnect your obsession with your husband. You can't count on him for support. Make plans for yours and your baby's future. Move on with your head held high. You are worth it and so is your baby. If this jerk wants to jump in, then he needs to prove himself to be an adult.