Divorce - on the other side

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2006
Divorce - on the other side
2
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 6:35pm

hi there. i was set up with a guy beginning of the year and knew he was finishing up with his divorce (he made me think he was further along than he was). anyway, that we fell for each other...traveled and had great times together. his divorce was getting ugly and he wasn't treating me well. so i ended it and we said this would be a break to let him get through all this and give him some time. well, i stayed in touch with friends i met through him and he didn't like it. it started to get ugly between us too. mutual friends would tell me what he was saying and it hurt!! we'd talk and go out and always ended up the same, him telling me he likes me but our timing is off. he is a great guy but was going through an UGLY time. i tried to back away but we have something. so after 6 weeks of not seeing each other we decided to have dinner and drinks and ended up back at my place. it was great. we talked about the future and he said he was sorry for the past and it wasn't fair that he shared what he did with me (divorce and ex details) and wished we would be meeting now for the first time. our friends really thought we would be back together by now but my friends that have been through a divorce said he isn't ready and needs to deal with his divorce still. they have told me that even if i was the right person for him he needs to get through his ugly divorce and have time to miss me. is this true??? i haven't heard from him since our night together and this time i'm NOT going to be the one to call him. part of me is worried that he won't contact me, he got what he wanted - he isn't a player but neither of us has been with anyone else since our breakup and we are human. we are both in our mid 30's and know you can't go around sleeping with people. all i wanted when i ended thing this summer was for him to have his space and come back to me. i've heard of this happening and believed in the fairly tale that it could happen to us too!!!!

have any of you (that have gone threw a divorce) feeling the same way?? have any of you met someone but know you need more time??

thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 11:40pm

Kogi,


It's called a "rebound relationship." Back off and let this guy have space...alot of space. He's a wounded animal looking for some affirmation. The fact he's been "ugly" with you tells me he's still going through a lot of anger and pain. The truth is he doesn't know what he wants or feels right now. So, do yourself a big favor and back off. He's not "over" his divorce by a long shot and the chances are if you get deeply involved with him his healing curve will be dragged out (and you along with it) for a lot longer than necessary.


I speak from experience. Dating a wounded and angry person is not pretty.


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2006
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 7:25am

thank you!!! i wish i would have asked about this when i ended things this summer. i have made a promise to my friends that i wouldn't contact him. it's hard but i have to for my sake. he had dated others before me but i know he said it was never the same connection. i think i also need to come to reality that i was safe for him the other night and he could be with me, knowing that he'd regret it the next day. i had heard he had a date this past sat. and that made me sad - he is dating a lot right now and told me he doesnt' know what he wants.

thanks for your help. i just hate knowing i'll never talk to him again.