Divorce petition~What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Divorce petition~What to do?
4
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 9:21pm

I haven't posted in quite a while. But I finally received the divorce papers, so it's on now. Quick recap: Live in Oregon. I've been a stay-at-home mom for 12 years. Two daughters. Married for 11 years. Husband left me 5 months ago. I'm in college now, working toward an associate degree in office management/administrative assistant (at least two years of school) (never thought I'd be doing that.)


So the biggest of the divorce petition issues are:


My husband makes about $45,000 a year, plus he has a small business. He has stated that his business pays his rent. So he makes at the very least, $500 a month with that.


He wants a portion of the equity of the house, plus all claims to his business. No mention of his 401k in his petition.


I told him I want the house (he had already told me I could have it), half his gross income (which would include the business), and half of his 401k (which I believe I'm entitled to). He has tried to make his business seem undesirable by telling me that I would also get half of the business's debt. He knows how much I need to stay in the house, while I am in school and getting established, and he has told me I don't have to worry about selling or refinancing any time soon. (Don't think he sounds like a really nice guy about now. You don't know what he's put me through. Which I won't get into... I just would like some advice or words of wisdom from others who have been where I am.) Since he left he has been sending me $1800 a month. This amount is about $250 a month short of my very basic needs (mortgage, taxes, insurance, bills, etc. I do not have a cell phone, do not have cable tv... I do not spend money on unnecessary things.). But I have been making it these past 5 months. My mortgage is $1091 a month. I don't want to lose this house, because I feel as though I would never be able to afford another home in the future or have a mortgage as cheap as what I have now.


So my attorney sent my STBX's atty a letter stating that should get $2100 (which would be child support and spousal support) while I am in school and transitioning into a job, and that I should get the house. BUT, my atty stated that my STBX could have his 401k and his business. My atty sent this letter without my consent! I told him that I would have liked to have asked for the 401k and half the business, and he told me that there was nothing set in stone in the letter. He is just trying to see where my STBX and his atty stand on these issues. Well, I don't like to play games so I am none too pleased about not being consulted before he sent the letter.


My STBX's business is one thing, but there is no way I want to lose half of his 401k. Aren't I entitled to that? I have been a stay at home mom for 12 years. At 40 years old I am now just starting school and will then in two years just be entering the job market. (I didn't work much before my marriage, and I don't even have enough social security credits to get anything from that at this point.)


I am scared to death about my future. Heartbroken, scared, and angry

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 11:20pm

In Ohio where I am (not sure if it's the same in every state) each party is entitled to 1/2 the equity in the home.

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 11:29pm

So sorry you're going through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2008
Sat, 07-19-2008 - 9:44am

Hello to the lady from Oregon


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 1:37pm

Here is what I would do: