Divorce in Process - 30 Years Old

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Divorce in Process - 30 Years Old
5
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 6:24pm

This is my first post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 9:05pm

I felt like a mother to a 35 year old man, and I lost all interest in sex because I was always cleaning up after him (whether it be literally cleaning or cleaning up financial messes, etc


Wow this is my life except 45 years old ,


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Thu, 12-20-2007 - 6:20am

Ash,


Hi. Welcome to the board. I'm sorry you are facing this difficult situation. Divorce is not an easy choice nor is it quick and simple to do as we're led to believe.


No matter why we divorce or how much consideration we give this choice before doing it, it's natural to feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster. Before you can get where you want to be in your life, you have to deal with the emotions of your choices.


I strongly encourage you to find a support group or counselor with whom you can voice your frustrations and concerns. It can be cathartic to hear others have the same issues as you and also help you move forward. I also want to point out it's possible CARE about someone else and want to help them when they need help. Like helping your Ex-husband get home from the ER. That's an act of caring.


As for your question Are all marriages like this? Nope! Not by a long shot. Marriage shouldn't be one-sided and yet some can be. Marriage shouldn't be sexless or joyless; some are but not all. Ideally marriage is a partnership with give and take on both sides of the coin. Some people are better equipped to be partners than others. Some have to learn these skills from their partners. (What were your in-laws

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Thu, 12-20-2007 - 4:43pm

Thank you both for your posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2007
Thu, 12-20-2007 - 4:57pm

i too feel like my friends just can't relate.

i feel like they want to be there for me, but that they have their own problems, and i am the first in my "friend group" to be going through a divorce, but with the way the world is right now, i certainly don't think i'll be the only one to ever go through one, but it sucks to be the first.

i have been separated from my stbx since october 25, and in a lot of ways, even though we were only married for a year and four months, i felt like i was his daughter and not his wife. i felt like he wanted me to be just a clone of himself. i.e: the dishes have to be done a certain way, the bed made a certain way, etc. and i got tired of being talked to like a 12 year old instead of a grown woman.

Thanksgiving was hard for me too. it just felt off.

i am used to doing holidays with my stbx in the car with me, driving from one family visit to the next. i am used to having something to say i am thankful for. the only thing i was thankful for this year was my future. i was thankful that i could at least feel free about what the future holds for me.

and as for Christmas, wow. it is my favorite holiday all year, and this year, i'm just having such a hard time looking forward to it. especially with stupid stuff like mistletoe, or all the couples who have on heavy jackets and are clearly freezing, but they are holding hands or are cuddled up. it just adds to my loneliness.

i feel like i am on a roller-coaster everyday. i'm excited b/c i feel like there are opportunities galore, but then i also feel terrified because i am on my own for the first time EVER.

i feel like you are someone i can relate to, and i hope i can be the same for you!

-lisa-








life isn't always by the book....


http://life-by-the-book.blogspot.com



life isn't always by the book....
http://life-by-the-book.blogspot.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 12:32am

I actually am in a very similar relationship. I'm 28 years old. My husband and I have been married for 7 1/2 years, together for 8 1/2. We own a house together, renting it out to another couple (long story). He's a nice guy, its just that he plays video games ALL day long. No motivation to do anything. No chemistry, sex hasn't happened in a long time. I take care of cooking, cleaning, bills plus I work 40+ hours a week (more then him). I just can't do it anymore. Bottom line realization, I can't have kids with this guy, it would just double my stress and work-load.

I can definitely relate. I just need to see a future that goes somewhere. Holidays are hard. I wish you the best.