divorce shame?
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divorce shame?
| Mon, 03-19-2007 - 2:59pm |
I read this article, and it really spoke to me:
http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/22087/22955/?CMP=KNC-DC_YSM_6
Divorce was the right answer for me, but I still feel ashamed of it. I never thought I would be one of those people. Now I am.

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I feel the same way. I don't want to get divorced, I want to work it out but he doesn't. So that adds to the feelings of failure.
It's not that I think getting a divorce is wrong. It is just that I can't believe I didn't see this coming and couldn't do anything about it.
Tall,
I had the very same thoughts as you (and those expressed in the article) when I divorced nearly 10 years ago.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
I feel exactly the same way. I could've written that article.
I was 35 when I married and SURE that I had made the right choice. I guess I did at the time and I have a wonderful DS to show for it. However, I am also ashamed by this. I was an adult child of divorce and would be damned if it would happen to me too...I saw what my mom went through, hence the waiting til 35 to marry. Now, here I am, just about 8 years later, cheated on, made a fool of and almost done with the "process" of the divorce. I can't imagine dating anyone new, let alone marrying again. Even when I'm in a social situation and people I haven't seen in a while ask how my STBX is and I tell them the story, I feel like I hang my head. Whether I do or not, literally, I don't know, but I feel like crawling under a rock. I'm sure that these feelings will lessen with time, but knowing that in my heart doesn't change the way I feel right now. I have 2 very close friends, one divorced for 10+ years and the other in the middle, like me. They don't seem to have the guilt or shame that I feel. Maybe it will dissipate, I sure hope so. I'm sure I made the right choice in kicking the big fat cheater to the curb, because I will never trust him again, but why is it me who has to suffer the shame?
If you find out the answer, let me know.
Thanks for sharing.
Lisa
Wisdom,
Wow, you wrote:
<<<<>>>>
i had a close friend who supported me up until i filed for divorce. then POOF!! she was gone. i had only known her for 4 years, but we did alot together. she turned 40 a few weeks after i filed and her husband did not invite me out to dinner because "it was for couples only". I was very hurt. She then found out that while my jobless, drunk, useless stbx was drunk on the couch, i got involved with another MM. Big mistake on my part, but she judged me very harshly. Instead of listening as she did in the past, she pushed me out. i was mentally and emotionally devestated at this point in my life. just like a 10th grader, she has tried to take a few friends with her, (even taking them away on a girls weekend! MY/OUR friends, we were all very close, or so i thought.) her harshness to me forced me to come clean regarding my A because she made me feel like i owed everyone an explanation and an option to support me "but only if they knew the truth and understood that i wasn't a helpless victim" unbelievable.
anyway, back to the article. i don't feel defined by the title of divorcee, but i do feel as though people look at me differently. men propostion all the time, thinking i must be a horny divorcee, women cling to their men a little tighter, and others look at me as though its the worst thing in the world. i wanted this divorce, i could no longer be married to an alcoholic.
so moving forward............
what
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