Divorce will be final in 2 weeks

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Divorce will be final in 2 weeks
4
Sat, 09-30-2006 - 9:54am

I have been in my "temporary" house for 1 week and my divorce will be final in 2 weeks. I'm living out of boxes until I close on my own new home in 2 months. I am running myself ragged trying to not lose my mind (anxiety is extremely high). I had surgery, had a friend die, my only child went off to college and the big "D" in a two month period of time. Oh yeah, I just turned 40 so I feel like a stereo type.

Everyone tells me to exercise, WHEN?????, I have a high stress job and a demanding boss who demands that I keep my private life out of the office. So much for being in Human Resources, I guess it only applies to other employees.

How do I survive this? 10 years of marriage to a man who couldn't give anything emotionally or sexually. I know that everything gets better with time, but I'm looking for advice from others who have made it thru the initial phase of it actually ending without becoming bitter or insane.

Thanks to everyone who is willing to share

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 09-30-2006 - 11:19am

hi and hugs.

i think that that 'in limbo' period is the worst. i am pretty sure that when you will be in your own space, with all your stuff set up - you will be feeling alot better.

I agree that exercise is important - i am one of the biggest promoters of exercise in general, and as a help for depression - but it sounds like you are getting stressed out about not getting enuf exercise! that's not helping you. it is important to make exercise a priority - but sometimes we just really can't. do the best you can. if you can work in a brisk 20 minute walk a few times a week - then just do it. even if it means getting up 30 minutes earlier - its a good idea, because it will really change your day around (once you get into the habit). if you can't - try to find some other way to relax - unwind - soothing music, yoga routines, warm baths.

as for getting thru it? you will. i remember when i first came here - three years ago i think it was. i was so sad, desperate, scared to death. i got a lot of help here, and from my friends and relatives, and i went to therapy a little. i did, in fact, make exercise a priority in my life - it does make a difference.

hang in there. you will be fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sat, 09-30-2006 - 2:23pm
How do you survive this? You decide you always deserved a better marriage, you spend time healing, you invest in yourself. For me journaling, counseling, reading a lot, support of friends and family got me through the grieving process. My life now is great. 40 is no big deal, I had my daughter at 43 and went back to school to invest in my future. At 45 I have a great guy in my life who is open, affectionate, kind, adventurous, passionate, fun....everything I want in a man. Don't settle for merely surviving, aspire to have a better life than the one you imagine you would have had staying in your marriage. You have had the strength to survive what life has thrown you so far, you can make it to the other side of divorce.
A fun thing I did was to redecorate my house. I realized that my choices previously had always been with the consideration of my X's taste. Now it is total immersion into my own style. So have fun with your new home, make it a celebration of who you are now.
Don't sweat the excercise thing. Excercise is recommended (I hit the gym regularly through the worst of my divorce) because your body puts out all kinds of feel good hormones when you exercise, you feel better about yourself, and it helps build your self esteem back. It's something you do totally for you. Give yourself some healing time, moving to your new home will be plenty of excercise for now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 10-01-2006 - 8:18am

How will you make it through? Some days you may feel somewhat bitter and insane. But, over time, those days will be fewer and fewer. The first few weeks I separated, it was just about the only thing I thought of. But over time, I learned how to be happy again. Once you're removed from the confines of an unhappy marriage, it's amazing how good you can feel. You'll be shocked, I assure you.


As for exercise, even if it's something simple like walking, try to squeeze it in on your days off as a start.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 10-02-2006 - 8:36am

HUGS!


The "temporary" and limbo parts are the worst.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~