Divorced???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Divorced???
2
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 8:05am

Okay. I usually just read but this is getting to be too much for me to handle.

I've pretty much decided that I need a divorce. I don't want one, but I need one. Problem is, my husband hasn't been home or called for three days. He's struggling with a cocaine addiction and several other problems that probably stem from it. I think he's depressed and he has flat-out told me that a lot of days he wishes he didn't get married. He also tells me that he likes spending time with his friends more than he likes spending time with me. I know I'm stupid if I don't get out because I honestly believe that after all this time he will never change. It's been a hellish few years for me and I've had emotional and physical problems because of it.

So ... I guess my question is ... how do I do it? How do you look at someone you still love (and even I can't understand why anymore) and that you've given your entire life to and tell them you never want to see them again? How do I work up the courage to say it, follow through, and be on my own? How do you get through those first few months? I already feel like I want to curl up and die.

I'm lucky I have a great support system of friends and family but its been so long I feel like I don't know how to be me anymore. How did you get through it if you have been divorced? I never thought I'd be this girl.

Clearly he's checked out of our marriage. Why am I so frozen? I know I need to, but my heart is pulling me in the other direction and we've tried EVERYTHING. I'm at the end of my rope, emotionally dried up and have nothing more to give. Thankfully we don't have children.

Sorry this is so long, but I see a lot of people are going through the same things here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
In reply to: islandgirl22
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 9:17am

It is the most difficult thing you probably will ever have to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
In reply to: islandgirl22
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 7:17pm
I agree with buckeyegold on this one. I filed for separation papers because I'm not ready to handle the "divorce" thingy yet. But at least I can move on with my life while he continues to screw his up. Thank goodness you don't have children, but I understand it is still really difficult for you to close this chapter. You do have to do what is right for you at this time, do not be afraid to be selfish! You deserve more than what you are experiencing right now. This discussion forum is a great source of support, and as buckeyegold said, check out the addiction forum as well. Take care and I wish you the best.