divorced after 35 years
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divorced after 35 years
| Mon, 12-11-2006 - 12:41pm |
I am hoping to find someone that had a LONG marriage and is recently divorced. I am the one that moved out and filed for the divorce. I would really like to converse with someone walking this road---sometimes very rough and ugly, yet at times it is smooth and lovely. Perhaps someone out there is in this situation and needs to talk. Hope all of you have a good day.

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Hi Golden Girl,
My marriage was 22 years long, 27 in all counting the courtship. Would be happy to converse with you.
Belinda
Hi,
Would love to talk with you. Going thru somewhat similar situation. Only separated but seeking divorce. Let me know your email if interested
Hi Goldengirl,
Welcome to Surviving Divorce. We're glad you're here.
I read your post with interest. Not so long ago the New York Times magazine did a whole spread on divorce among long-time married people. In many cases, not all, it was the wife who filed for divorce. They all expressed a desire to be independent and grow beyond their previous lives as wives. Mind you, I'm not an advocate of divorce having survived one myself, but I found this story very interesting.
As the divorce trend in older married couples continues to rise, there are more support groups and other sources of information for you, but you have to look harder. I'd suggest one of the first places you might look is in your church community (assuming you're Christian) and see if you can find a church holding a support group. You may be able to find other women your age in the same situation.
Have you sought individual counseling for help in determining your goals at this stage in life? That may also help, and I'm not suggesting anything is wrong with you. But smart people seek help with these big questions and issues and you'd be a head of the pack to perhaps find such help and advice.
My "standard" advice also applies here, i.e. think about the things you have always wanted to do or had given up doing during your marriage. Perhaps there is a hobby you didn't do or put on the shelf. Or somewhere you've always wanted to go. Perhaps a class at the local community college? A book club or even an adventure you've always thought about. Now is the time to rediscover yourself and your potential.
Let us know what you find and how you are doing. We're here for you!
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
I was married for 25 years, raised two children and then set off on my own scared to death and happier than ever. I left a beautiful home and lots of "stuff". I took what was important to me and only what I really needed. I have a one bedroom but very nice apartment, enough of an income to support myself, and a fairly stress free and happy life. I had to plan the move carefully since I was also leaving my kids who were 18 and 24 at the time. They needed to learn how to feed themselves and deal with my absence. It's been almost three years and we have all adjusted quite nicely. I would like to be able to offer advice and support if you need it. Just remember, there is a wonderful life waiting for you.
Deb
Long-married (27 yrs) and headed for court
(and yes, I would be happy to talk to Goldengirl and others - divorce in really long marriages has different issues - going 'back' to work when you're over 60? and so on)
But I would like to see that article
Thanks!
Sophie
I have no idea what happened to my wedding dress. My diamond ring I have. I plan to give it to my daughter when she gets married. I thought I'd have it set into a necklace for her. I think she'd like that. I had to deal with the guilt of leaving my children who weren't children anymore at all. I still felt guilt. My daughter, as daughters do, stayed with her dad and distanced herself from me for a little while. Now we are closer than ever. My son aligned himself with me and doesn't have a close relationship with his dad but it's getting better. Leaving was the best thing I ever did for myself. It took a year for me to make the decision, another six months to ease my way out, and another year for things to smooth out. I was happy and I was sad. I missed my house, my kids, my life. I did not miss my ex. It was great being on my own. I got to decorate my own little place and it was all mine. I loved it. But, sometimes I was lonely. I wondered what everyone might be doing back at the house. I cried a river, I got over it. Do focus on your blessings. I tried to keep in mind two things. One, how fortunate I was, and two, happiness is a choice. Nice to talk with you. Take care.
Deb
Golden - I have my wedding dress and wedding ring. I'm just holding on to them for the time being until I make a decision on what to do with them. I'm in no big rush.
The things I wish I would have gotten, like the kids' baby books, photo album (including mine from when I was young) and other special items have been held hostage by him. I have tried to get them back to no avail. I'm hoping when we go to permanent orders on March 7th that the judge will order him to give them back to me, or at least make copies for me. I had been keeping up the kids' school books up to date every year and he has those books too. I know he is not keeping up with the books in the past year or so and unfortunately the kids will suffer because when they're older they will have blank pages for certain school years.
It's all very frustrating.
Bel
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