divorced after 35 years
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divorced after 35 years
| Mon, 12-11-2006 - 12:41pm |
I am hoping to find someone that had a LONG marriage and is recently divorced. I am the one that moved out and filed for the divorce. I would really like to converse with someone walking this road---sometimes very rough and ugly, yet at times it is smooth and lovely. Perhaps someone out there is in this situation and needs to talk. Hope all of you have a good day.

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Bel
Deb, Your situation is very similar to mine. I also left a nice home (which has since been sold) and the way of life that I had become accustomed to - BUT I didn't miss him at all. I was glad to be away from a mean and critical person. He completely wore me down. My daughter (13) has decided to live with her father for now, and my son (17) is living with me. It hurts that she doesn't want to be with me and her brother more often. At first I was very set against it, but it was only hurting her, so I decided not to make a big fuss about it. I've heard this is typical for girls to do. I think she felt sorry for her father because her brother decided to live with me.
I've been separated for a year and a half (the final divorce date is March 7th) and last Christmas was tough. I'm feeling a little down this Christmas as well, but am hoping next year at this time things will be so much better in my life (and my kids' lives).
Hope your holidays go well. Belinda
Golden I too divorced after 21 years of marriage. He was a good provider but a really terrible husband on the inside. He was the perfect husband, neighbor worker on the outside to everyone else that didn't have to live with him. He would drop what ever he was doing for his job or a friend and do what ever was on the list to do and I was at the bottom till I decided to leave. Then he thought it was time to pay attenetion to the wife who took care of his home, kids and every holiday and birthday that he never would have even thought came annually. Oh well that is dust in the wind and the past is one thing I try not to look back on or the bad and negative parts. I am now divorced and my daughter is now living with me and we are both very happy and do not walk on egg shells anymore. It was just awful the control and anger he brought into our home. I ask my self still, why I chose to stay so long? I loved him I guess? Life goes on and life is good now I love my life and would never go back to that life for anything. I now have pink sheets and get to watch and eat what ever I want if I want and when I want. I do not cook if I do not want to. There are times when I think too much and get lonely but that is just a normal emotion. I was lonely when I was married so I would rather be lonely and alone than with someone who is supposed to love me and be my partner and is not fufilling his part of the deal. I read a quote on these boards on some ones signature that said it all to me and I will try and remember it like it was written because it is so true for all of us.
I do not want to think that there we not times where I doubted my decision and cried a whole lot because there were but it comes and it goes and in the end I know I made the right decision for me because its my life.
"I believe in destiny, I believe in fate and I believe that HAPPINESS is something we create"
Good luck and as each moment passes it gets easier and the time turns to hours and then days and soon you are on with your life.
I am 39 and am divorcing my husband of nearly 19 years. It was my idea. Neither of us was happy, but he was content with that and I was not. We married because we had a baby. She is now grown (almost 20) and we have another daughter who is 9. He has been VERY ANGRY because we worked really hard to go from having nothing to having a big house and money, etc. I am the primary breadwinner, so I think it makes him upset that he will lose out on that too. I have seen a side of him that I do not find very attractive. I think he is getting into the acceptance side of things now because he has actually been not too unpleasant during our last two encounters (when I come see the DD; we are currently separated). Both daughters are doing very well and I am intimately aware of any problems in them because I have always been very in tune with both of them.
However, the holidays suck. I have plans and all, but I still miss the standard "family Christmas" that we will not have this year. What is worse is that it's hard to expect anyone to feel badly for me since I initiated the divorce in the first place.
I was encouraged to read that others who are further along than me have also cried for long periods of time and that's normal and things will get better. There ARE lots of things that I love about this separation, but I am not looking forward to separating our stuff and money and all that. That's going to be hard. Plus he wants custody so he can get child support from me since I make more than he does. I would gladly pay for specific things for her; I just know he is bad with money so regardless of what I would give him, he would fritter it away stupidly. Sigh.
Anyway, this seems a little rambly. Sorry. :)
HI goldengirl
I was M for 26years when X filed for D,my D took almost 3years to get to the end (received my D papers the day after thanksgiving in 2003, it became final in 2006),in fact it just became final a few months ago.go to my profile and email me if I can help.
Goldengirl, I just found this board today and wanted to weigh in on this topic. My divorce just became final a few months ago after 36 yrs of marriage (I kicked him out after 31+ yrs.) Living in the home was the worst part because there were constant reminders of not only the happy things that had happened here but also of the plans we had made for the future, etc. I think it would probably have been easier to have moved out and moved on. He's been gone from here now for five years and I still find things that belonged to him. But it doesn't bother me any more. This is my house now. I decide what colors to paint, what pictures to put on the walls etc. I come and go as I please and, the best part, I have friends of my own now.
I think the most eye-opening thing was finding out who were my true friends. I was dropped from many "lists" and at first it hurt. But I came to realize that they weren't true friends. I also learned that not all those who keep in touch, do it for the right reasons. Be careful what you say and to whom. If you are not sure what a person's motives are, don't say anything negative or you may find it coming back to hurt you. Plus, you look like a bitter, negative person and that gives him validation.
I recommend that you buy a good book on divorce economics and study it. I approached my divorce as the most important business deal of my life and tried to leave the emotional side of divorce out of it. The day of the final divorce hearing was the most gut-wrenching day of my life but it was also the day I let go and I have been so much more at peace ever since. I wish you peace in your future. It will come.
How long have you been divorced? I'm not divorced yet so I'm probably not much help. In fact I'm a mess! I am married for 27 years, separated for about 2 years now. I can't seem to move on. I left and moved out to an apartment almost 2 years ago and am still unable to move forward. I feel so guilty for leaving and 'abandoning' my husband. It's really stupid the way I am living but I feel like I would be killing him if I actually forced a divorce. I live about 70 miles away and still handle all the bills and problems I always did. Run back and forth every week to get the mail, pay the bills, solve problems. He still lives at our house alone with the dogs and avoids any conversation about actual divorce. He always wanted me to do things with him when I go down there -he has me helping him with all kinds of errands just for companionship- some of which he reminds me are my responsibilities still. I still care about him, he's a great person in many ways. He has no close family members alive and I feel he is so alone yet I don't want to go back - long story. I want to create a new life but am still tied to our old one - business, property, etc. I am going nowhere fast and it's making me unhappy.
How did you go about actually moving forward? Was it a mutual agreement or a heartbreak? How do you deal with the old habits and reminders? Can you remain friends?
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