Divorced almost 2 years this December

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Divorced almost 2 years this December
7
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 6:58pm

but my ex has been gone since Oct 2001. I've pretty much gone through all the emotions there is to go through. I survived it. There is hope. However, my life is not "better", my life only got "harder" emotionally speaking. I feel as if my kids will never have the best....

After 6 years...I still struggle emotionally. Anyone else relate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 12:12pm

Hi seabreeze,

Yes, I completely understand. That's why my life partner is my cat.

What do you mean when you say that your kids will bever have the best .... ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 1:04pm
I mean that they will never have the best as it would have been with a two parent household--financially & emotionally. We had plans for our future. Plans to take the kids on trips, plans to buy another house someday....just a good life for our kids. Not to say they don't have a "good" life now, but its not the same and its not what it could be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 1:18pm

Hi sea


I can so relate. My Divorce will be final one year ago this month and while my X left me financially crippled and I ended up getting alimony for 10years and after that I dont know what I am going to do,my X and his now live in g/f are looking at new homes in the $300-400 dollar range. Its amazing to me how my pooor X who bitched and moaned the entire 3year divorce process that paying me alimony would be a financial burden is now out looking at million $$ homes.


He is the only person I know who is better off financially now then at the beginning of the divorce.


Emotionally I am lonely and people tell me to join dating sites but the last thing on my mind is to get involved with anyone else .While my X is eager to get married again I cant see myself ever putting myself out there again.


I was married 26years and in the end I was married to someone who does not care if I survive financially or end up living under a bridge,so I cant see myself ever setting myself up for this to happen to me again.


My only companion is now my 14year old poodle. now him I can trust and him I know all he wants is my unconditional love and a pat on the head . Men,who needs em..I know I dont need a man in my life to complete me. I will survive this ,plus I am a firm believer in KARMA> so I know the X will get what is coming to him. That will be the happiest day of my life.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 3:59pm


I can definitely relate... it's been well over 2 years for me too and time doesn't seem to be helping at all.

Try out this book: "Leaving Him Behind: Cutting the Cord and Breaking Free After the Marriage Ends" By, Sandra S. Kahn. I'm just starting it now... and I can definitely see how I'm still emotionally bound to my XH.

{{{hugs}}}

Ali


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 7:18pm
I want to believe in karma too...I never wished any death or serious harm, but a little taste of what he did to me. My ex too is more financially well off than when we were married. He is also looking for close to million dollar homes. And then he complains when I ask him for half of dental or medical bills for my kids. He used to be very practical, now he has only the "best" of the best. Did I say I hate him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2005
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 12:11am
Thanks for the tip on the book, I'm definitly going to give it a shot! Everything else I have done seems to be a failure. Good luck seabreeze, my stbx is attempting to leave me penniless too. He just tells me to go out and get my lazy ass a job. While his GF sits on her ass, smoking and eating. I hope she beats the crap out of him again, I'd love to ask her to get a shot in there for me too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 12:42pm

Sea,


Divorce is not something you "get over" in a set amount of time. Everyone's grief and recovery phase is different. However, I'd suggest you seek counseling to help yourself since its been 6 years since the physical departure of your spouse. You might need a little prodding to get on with your emotional life. Sometimes you can

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