Divorced and still living together--HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2005
Divorced and still living together--HELP
12
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 12:04am

My divorce was final on March 22nd. It was a "friendly" divorce. We have three children 10, 8 and 2. I will be moving with the kids, however my house isn't ready and may not be ready until June 1st.

How am I going to survive the next two months when I am ready to move on. Staying here together in this house just perpetuates the very ruts that led us to divorce in the first place!

The simple answer is for somebody to move for a while. Before the divorce was actually final we decided that we would just stay in our house until my house is available. Now that we are final though, exDH's attitude has changed and so has mine! I am not interested in being his housekeeper anymore and doing all the "wife" things around the house I had to do because he expected it. He has no appreciation! I have no desire to make things easy for him just because he chooses to spen 17 hrs a day at work (he sets his own hours and is having problems delegating and setting limits at work) I am a SAHM and will be going back to school next term.

What can I do to compromiste so we both can makr this work? Any suggestions?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 4:47am

if neither of you can move out - then you are just going to have to "grin and bear it". i lived in the same house with my ex (before the divorce) for a few months and its NOT EASY... although, for me it was a little (LITTLE) easier because i worked outside the house.


you are not going to change your ex now. i would advise you to advise him that he should find somewhere else to do his laundry and get his meals, if this really bothers you. at the same time - you NEED to find some kind of outlet for your feelings - get to a gym, jog around the block, mediate.


this too, shall pass....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2005
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 1:11pm

I thank everbody for their replies and I feel better just for typing out my complaint!

I am going to continue to be the same person I always have been. I know that it is only for a couple of months and I can handle it.

I do not hate him and have no desire to be vindictive. I would like to always have a close and friendly (if not loving) relationship with him for the sake of my children.

He is going to have a BIG adjustment when the kids and I are gone and he has to handle everything alone. He is very capable, but very spoiled. I am going to enjoy watching from the sidelines as he muddles through some of this stuff!

And for the record, just because we cannot make our marrige work, does NOT mean that we cannot parent our kids together effectively. The only way to do that is to find some way to transition our marital relationship into some sort of respectful friendship. I am positive that it can be done.

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