divorced men becoming sex addicts

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
divorced men becoming sex addicts
2
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 4:51am

hi-

i'm 32 yrs old and have decided to stop dating for awhile. i want to really focus on my passions in life. at times it's difficult because i want someone to push me or support me. i have never been married before, but want to eventually.

why i wanted to start a discussion on this messageboard is that i'm getting older and my pool of men are unhappy divorced men.

it gets me upset because i usually get the slack for whatever happened in the marriage. so i'm very anti-dating divorced men; which will probably really limit my chances.

i have read self-help books about dating/road to getting married. it just makes me feel more desperate.

my last relationship was the worst, but i learned the most. divorced man who was a swinger while he was married and slept with a lot of women before we dated. i'm not sure if he slept with women while we were dating, but i suspect so.

i also feel these divorced men become sex addicts or invest in other addictions. it's horrible. i'm not sure if i'm attracted to them or they're attracted to me.

any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 7:50am

Wow, it sounds like you've had pretty bad experiences with divorced med. I know several divorced men personally, and I haven't found them to all have addictions, sexual or otherwise. But that's just my personal experience. I'm sure that some get a little out-of-hand after a divorce because they felt repressed for years during their marriage. Also, I know plenty of single/never-married

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 6:05pm

Stacy...

A few thoughts from Pianoguy....who is a twice-divorced male.

.

Not every divorced male ORIGINALLY STARTED OUT (or SUDDENLY BECAME) "A SWINGER!" once a divorce is finalized.

You (and a few other ivillage ladies) will probably find this hard to believe, but there are MANY MEN who HONESTLY want to date, help, share dinner with, occasionally pamper amd even consider MARRIAGE a 2nd or 12th time......to the "right woman!"

Hate to disagree with you, but MOST of us DON'T suddenly become "SEX ADDICTS" once the ink is dry on the divorce papers. I think many of us become 'more than a little cautious' when it comes to trying again? WHY? Because "setting ourselves up for failure again" isn't what we want!

No question about it...there ARE a few more "opportunities" for recently divorced men (as opposed to women)...simply because there are MORE WOMEN THAN MEN on the planet! But even with the better female to male odds, this doesn't mean that men will 'aggressively pursue'---or even express 'nonchalent interest'---in any woman...even though she might wink at or have a conversation with us?

Stacy...you're DEFINITELY correct about one issue!

As a replacement for the missing g/f, spouse or s.o...a lot of men will pursue their favorite hobbies! These are the same 'interests' that some women would automatically scold or lecture us about!

But then again...our Moms used to exhibit this same sort of behavior toward us when we were...(clearing my throat here)...."their little boys!" :)

Pianoguy