DIVORCED/LIVING IN A SMALL TOWN
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DIVORCED/LIVING IN A SMALL TOWN
| Sat, 06-30-2007 - 12:06am |
I'M NEW HERE AND NEED SOME ADVICE. I'VE BEEN DIVORCED FOR 9 YEARS. I'M CURRENTLY LIVING IN A SMALL TOWN WHERE MY EX. IS FROM AND HAS BEEN RAISED. AT THE TIME OF DIVORCE MY CHILDREN WERE SMALL, THE STATE WOULD NOT LET ME BRING THEM TO WHERE I'M FROM, AND I HAD GOTTEN ALONG WITH MY EX-INLAWS AT THE TIME. A MEMBER OF MY EX'S FAMILY DID NOT LIKE THE FACT THAT I HAD GOTTEN ALONG WITH THE FAMILY AND TURNED THEM ON ME. THEY CAUSED ALOT OF PROBLEMS. MY EX WAS ABUSIVE TO ME AND THE BOYS AND OVER THE YEARS I TOUGHENED UP AND I DON'T PUT UP WITH THE CRAP THAT HE AND HIS FAMILY HAVE GIVEN TO ME. I KEEP CLEAR OF HIS FAMILY, HOWEVER, LIVING IN THIS TOWN, I HAVE NO FAMILY AND FRIENDS. I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT HIS FAMILY GOSSIPS ALOT ABOUT ME, AND THEY HAVE TOLD ME ABOUT WHAT OTHERS HAVE SAID AND ABOUT EACH OTHER. I'M A NURSE AND CAN GET A JOB ANYWHERE, I FILL IN AT DIFFERENT PLACES AND GET ALONG WELL WITH OTHERS, HOWVEVER, I WORK OUT OF TOWN AND ITS HARD TO MAKE FRIENDS THAT WAY. I NEED A NEW START, HOWEVER, MY BOYS ARE 17 & 14 AND I STILL NEED ME, ESPECIALLY TO INTERFER WHEN THEIR DAD IS BEING A JERK. MY EX HAS ALOT OF RELATION IN THIS TOWN, IT IS SMALL AND BACKWOODS AND I'VE HAD FRIENDS WHO HAVE MOVED AWAY. THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT

A) Stop posting in CAPSLOCK.
B) That sucks that his family is like that. Have you tried to join anything in your town? I agree that it's tough to make non-work friends in a town you really aren't attached to. The other side of that is, do you want to stay there once the kids are older?
C) His family. What they say about you. etc. Unless you live a town with the population of His Family, I would think that there are plenty of people who haven't heard horror stories about you or just don't really care about all that. Might want to give them a chance ;)
D) Pick something in town you feel like trying out or seeing. Hell, it might be going to the city park, but it's something. Be friendly to everyone you meet. Get in the habit of not assuming that people automatically think things of you when you are in town. You might meet someone you feel like hanging out with or being friends with.
Hi!
Posting in ALL CAPS is the internet equivalent to SHOUTING. Best to save it for when you intend to shout :-).
I agree with the pp ... think positive. Assume people don't know, don't care or like you anyway. Have a positive attitude as you go about your business and see how people respond. I have found that really works for me.
No matter the hell I am going through (and it could be alot worse, so I count my blessings) I try to convey optimism and cheerfulness when dealing with the folks around me.
Now, of course, if they p*ss me off -- then they take their chances ;-).
I don't live in a small town and I don't have to deal with the family from He$$ (my in-laws are far away), so I can't really appreciate how challenging it is.
As to whether to move -- well, a couple of towns over -- would that help? Can't you move your boys with you? Or, even if they stay with dad, you can still "run interference" if necessary from a couple of towns away, couldn't you?
Just thinking out loud.
M