Divorcing and someone likes me

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2013
Divorcing and someone likes me
Tue, 03-11-2014 - 9:11pm
Its been a year since the divorce; - coping with the emptiness and pain. And through all the fog and noise - there is someone who seems interested. At work. 

Not looking for a relationship, not ready for it. But the emptiness hurts so much. Is this rebound? How long does rebound last anyway?

How much time should one give to say they are ready. I feel a little lost in the light of this person's interest. He too is post divorce - hence on rebound as well. 

I am excited and scared. And its at work - so one treads very very very carefully.

Oh Ghosh - why do things have to be so darn difficult.

Words of wisdom please.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 03-12-2014 - 12:21am

You know how they tell people when you fall off a horse, you have to get right back on?  It's been a year.  The emptyness is because your life is empty!  You fix that by filling up your life with fun, happiness and good things.  A man is "interested" in you?  How?  Has he told you he is?  Has he asked you out?  You have to get back to living your life.  Rebound is a word like closure.  It means nothing.  You don't sound desperate!  There is no reason why you can't go out on a date and have fun in your life.  You don't have to fall in love with the first man that asks you out.  I would imagine you dated before you got married.....now you start dating again.  That's what single women do.  One word of caution, it's usually NOT a good thing to get involved with someone you work with.......because if things don't work out, it can get very awkward.  Some companies even have a rule against employees dating.  Are you interested in this guy in any way, or do you even like him?  If he asks you out, make it something very casual, on a weekend, during the day, and think of him as a friend, nothing more.  Go to a museum, or a sporting event.  Depending on where you live, go golfing, or hiking in a park.    But you have to start somewhere, and this is a good opportunity to "get back on the horse".  Your marriage didn't work out.....that doesn't mean your life is supposed to stand still.  If you lost your job, would you just sit at home and feel sorry for yourself, or would you get out and look for another job?  Incidentally, you aren't "divorcing"......you are "divorced".......your marriage has been over for a year, and you are a FREE woman......enjoy your freedom!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 03-12-2014 - 11:22am

I think things are different for everyone.  some people can't wait to get divorced and are on dating sites looking for someone new before the divorce is even final.  Others wait longer.  It seems like after a year, you would be feeling a little better.  I am assuming that it wasn't your idea to get divorced.  I think you need to find ways to fill up your life if you aren't ready to date--make some friends, find some interests.  Eventually you won't have time to sit around and feel empty because you will have a fun life w/o your ex.  And just because you go on a date doesn't mean you have to be very serious or think about getting married--just go out & enjoy the guy's company.  I do agree that it might not be a good idea to date someone you work with because if things don't work out you have to see each other every day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2007
Tue, 03-25-2014 - 10:27am

"Rebound is a word like closure.  It means nothing."

Well said Fiss!  It sounds to me like it's time to start living again and Fiss had some outstanding suggestions.  Maybe this isn't the right guy to build a relationship with but the only way to find out is to spend some time with him.  I agree that you should be cautious when getting involved with someone at work - check to see if your company has restrictions on dating coworkers.

Regardless, get out there and do things that you enjoy.  In my area there are lots of groups for a variety of activites (hiking, theater etc.)  Pick something that intrests you and get involved.

Huggs and good luck.  We only have one life - make the most of it. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2014
Thu, 03-27-2014 - 8:27pm

If you feel like you are not yet ready to enter a new relationship then don't, before starting a new one make sure that you had fully recovered from your ex or your new relationship will turn out to be a rebound. If your current suitor is really into you he can wait until you can finally let go of the pain from the past.

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