Divorse Tips- please advise

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2006
Divorse Tips- please advise
6
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 3:05pm

Hi, I'm new here. My story is that my H cheated on me 2 years ago and we tried to rebuild but have been unable to. I have been spending two years trying hard to rebuild. I have been contemplating divorsing him for a while now but have not been thinking about it seriously. However, I finally realised that I can never get past the initial betrayal and hurt that he caused me. He gutted the trust from our relationship and I don't feel like we can rebuild it again. There are also personality and character issues with my H that makes me lose love for him.

So I would like to know, whether you have any tips on how to conduct a divorse. If you had to do it again, what would you recommend I do or what would you do differently? I just need some tips about the whole divorse process and how to do it as painlessly as possible while protecting my interests because I think H is capable of pulling a fast one on me and it getting nasty (which he is capable of doing) e.g. hiding assets or money.

We don't have any kids. What would you recommend I include in a divorse agreement? How can I stop him from trying to hide his assets or being dishonest e.g he's thinking of transfering money to his mum. I'm just hoping for an equitable divorse.

Also if you know of any good divorse attorneys in the Bay Area CA, that would really help.

I do appreciate your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2014
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 4:11pm

www.divorce.net has some really good information. If you're military just add /military after the word net in the web address. That's where I started. Good luck.

Carol

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 10:19pm
I was not as strong as you I busted my tail literally to put him thru school for the first 8 years of our mariage I worked my tail for his books for his schooling and he graduated! With honors even! We were married in 1987 we were 18 he graduated or finished his Master's in 1997 I had my son in 1993 and a daughter in 1997 two weeks after his graduation my daughter was born all in all I thought everything was perfect. He started working in a Hospital he is an Internal Medicine Doctor and I was a high priced Collections Manager for the Hospital. Everything was well 98,99,00, but in the fall of 01 we bought a house in avery nice area of town close to the hospital and great schools we had 2 children to think about. Well, to make a long story short, my neighbor began to ask if I had a sister, she was a little nosy neighbor but a nice person. I kept telling her no and she later told me that on Wednesday! Wednesday the blue mustang in the drive way would be there. I puzzled decided to stake it out! Sure enough caught my husband with his nurse in my house. The place where my children lived where my perfume lingered in the morning when I left to work etc,.. I caught them! I was free of all suspicion! I had caught him in my bed! Well, the next thing was the hardest ever but I did it! I lived! I took my children that were at the time 8 and 4 years old I took their bedroom things only! ONLY! and left him to never look back! It was hard! But I did it! I had to do it for me and for my kids! And for everything I beleived in! You know these were the comments, Take him through the wringer, take his 401, do it for the money the house the nice things we had the car etc,... But I could not! It wasn't in me. It has been 4 years and I do not look back, I do not regret it! But he does. He begs me. He cries, he says he is sorry and that we can be together again. He is half the size now that he was then. He has dark circles under his eyes but I cannot feel sorry for someone that so cruelly used me to get an advance on life to get caught with a 45 year old married woman that did not even stay with him cause she had a family of her own. So please I beg you be strong for who you are. We have to keep these guys from thinking that they can rag to their friends how stupid women are and that they are our crutches! We can stand alone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2006
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 12:24am

firstxbetrayed,

I am so sorry you had to see you DH in bed with another woman. That is certainly not something you are going to forget anytime soon. Be strong, don't let him sweet talk you into taking him back. What he did is unforgivable. You're free now. Live a good life, that's the best revenge.

Curious

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 8:23am

I think the first and best step is to have a consultation with an attorney. They can answer your specific questions relative to California. Sometimes, the legal part can be easier than the emotional part!


We also have a great community web site that has excellent tips and resources: Board Web Site


Lastly, one of the best ways to locate an attorney is word of mouth. But if you don't feel comfortable with that, your local bar association can also be helpful in finding an attorney. Here's a link to the association in your area: San Fran. Bar Assn.




How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
- Anne Frank

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 4:23pm
A million thanks for your response! I feel better when I get positive feedback.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 4:45pm
Here is what I wish I did different:
Took copies of all the bank statements, 401k info stock info.
Stashed some pictures with a friend
Stopped paying my lawyer sooner. I am 21k into him and now I am running up bills with him. I knew sooner or later I would run out of dough I just wished I put him on a payment plan sooner.
Did more online research before I left
Consulted an attorney before I left not after