Do i have to pay child Support?
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Do i have to pay child Support?
| Wed, 06-22-2005 - 12:13am |
I am 14 weeks pregnant with my baby. My bf and i have been on a rocky road. Mainly due to issues on his behalf. Needing time alone, ect. I wanted to have abortion early on. But could not bring myself to do it. I dont have it in me. I am 23 he is 26. The main reason being it is way to early for either of us to be putting our self into this type of situation. Hence us breaking up then of course dealing with this for the rest of our life. I was thinking of adoption as another altern. If things do not work out. But i know his family (well mine as well), and himself will not allow it to go through. So I am the only one thinking this way. I have not gone to college Althrough I have saved 12,000 to go. Which will more then likely now be used for the baby. I have a decent job. but everythign looks pretty dim now considering I have to be extra careful this works out. I thought if he turns for the worst again i can always give him full custody. So i dont have to deal with him, as well there will be no child support, so i could still build for my future. But as I was reading i think the only not to pay is by adoption. I sound so cold hearted cruel. Its crazy to re read this. But i have struggled to get where i am today. And could not afford a child on my own. My bf has owned his own home for the last 4/5 years. As well has a job he makes over 40,000 a year. Any judge will look at that and realize who the more qualifed parent would be. I honestly have nothing but what i saved up. And im worried if things really dont work out. He will be able to take that away as well. I really cant believe i gotten myself into this. Im just looking for some sort of relief if he decides to leave me again.

Honestly, MOST courts favor the mother as the primary caregiver. Unless there are other factors ( drugs alcohol etc... ) IF he were to leave you and you didn't want the baby, you could give him custody, but yes, you would have to pay child support. If he were to leave you and you decided to keep the baby, he would have to pay you child support. That figure is based on a percentage coinciding with income.
I wish you all the best of luck. Please know that your child didn't do anything to deserve this but you have to do what is right for the child. Your child is innocent. If you cannot take care of your child and love that child as it should be, please consider adoption or appointing a family member guardian. That child doesn't deserve to suffer.
Angelena
Personally I think you should wait and see how you feel as the due date gets closer. The person who pays child support often ends up paying for part of the roof over the child's head, which can't help but pay for a portion of the roof over the custodial parent's head. If you give up custody, you could end up paying a lot (of course, when you get child support the amount never seems like enough). You will likely get some kind of visitation unless you really want no part in raising this child, and one day you might feel you want a bigger part in raising your child, but once you are the non-custodial parent you are pretty much stuck in that role. If you try it and after 6 months or a year you decide you are just not cut out to be a primary parent, you can give the father custody at that time.
I am a big fan of mom's having time to have a life too, and that is hard when you have the child all the time and he only has small amounts of visitation. There are lots of custody arrangements you can work out so you can still achieve your goals, finish school and meet your emotional and financial obligations to this child. There are tons of women that have gone to college while being a mom. You don't have to see this as being stuck, you are only limited by your own creativity, imagination and willingness to make something work.
At 14 weeks you haven't felt the baby kick yet. You haven't felt him/her turn in your body. You haven't held him/her in your arms and saw the complete love and trust a baby has in his/her mother.
You haven't had your breasts swell with milk and know you are the only one who can give the baby what is truly best for him/her. I will never forget the look of complete contentment on a breast fed baby's face.
Right now you are in panic mode and trying to make a decision that is best for you and your baby. Give it time. You don't want an abortion so you are going to have the baby. Relax and enjoy being pregnant.
Don't make any decisions about what to do with the baby until after he/she is born. I became accidently pregnant with my first daughter. I didn't know if I had what it takes to be a mom -- I wanted my own life. I had goals. But you know what? I achieved my goals anyway -- and I can't imagine my life without my 21 year old daughter now. She is my mainstay, and one of my three best friends -- the other two are 11 and 19 (both daughters as well).
I can tell you are scared but it will work out. Don't make a decision that will affect you for the rest of your life without all the facts. The first fact is -- until you hold your baby in your arms you don't know what mother love is. It never leaves us. Read the birthmothers boards and understand their pain before you choose it as your own.
Whatever you decide -- hang in there. It is hard to be pregnant and alone. But know we are here for you. If you keep your baby you will never be alone again. Your family will be with you -- your baby.
nolson_golden
Proud Parent of 3: Tiara, Tawnya and Tannessa
Grandmother of 2: Richard and Matthew
If you are seriously considering adoption, contacting an adoption agency now is a good idea. It does not lock you into putting the baby up for adoption. It does give you a better idea of your options. Even in adoption, there are many choices.
My sister gave up her third child for adoption because she knew that she could not afford to raise another child. She chose her dd's parents. What better gift to give a child? She chose an open adoption. What better gift to give the child, the mother, and the mother's family? Adoption is the greatest gift of the heart. I see my birth niece annually at our family Thanksgiving. Her entire family comes, Mom, Dad, baby brother, and Isabelle herself. It is amazing that my sister was able to do this. It was extremely difficult, but, since she decided early in the pregnancy that this was the path that she needed to take, she made the best choices that she could for her dd.
Again, it is essential to make an educated decision. In order to do so, seeking information about your options is the most important thing that you can do right now. It is impossible to set the finacial concerns to the side. Do not feel guilty about that. Remember that however your bf treats you, he will treat the child equally.
I agree that the more information you gather, the stronger you will be, and the wiser your decisions will be. If your BF wants to be a Daddy to this child, then he should be marrying you and supporting you during the pregnancy. If he is a bad dude, then you need to get away from him, and could be doing your baby a favor to never have to meet BF.
By talking to some adoption people and lawyers, you will find out what they may be able to do for you. They may be able to handle the BF, AND get you room and board, all medical bills paid...
If BF isn't going to do all this for you (and your child), then he may not make much of a Dad! You may be able to find someone else who will be so much more responsible, mature, giving and nurturing for your baby.
No matter what you choose, you are going to have to develop a lot more strength and conviction. Remember: it's not all about YOU anymore. There is a helpless human that needs you, only you can protect his/her rights and future. If your BF is not prepared to give his all, then he should back out. If you are not prepared to give your all, then you can back out, too. (thru adoption) What are these problems that you say your BF has?