Do I really want out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Do I really want out?
2
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 10:28am
I am miserable in my marriage. I have been for quite some time. He's not really a bad guy either and that's why the decision is so hard. A lot of our differences are cultural. I am American, he's middle-eastern. He's a nice guy like I said, but he's very controlling and everytime I fight back against his controlling behavior, it starts a fight and I get blamed for starting the fight. We fight constantly. Always have. He seems to stay angry at me for something all the time unless I'm doing exactly as he wants me to. He is not romantic at all and I am not in love with him. He wants to be worshipped as a king and I am unwilling to do that. I guess I would worship a man who I was truly in love with and showed me love in return. We are both nice people. We are nice to everyone around us, except each other. It's such a long story I won't go into it. Tomorrow, we will have been married 16 years. We have 2 children 12 and 7. I'm 38 and a lot of people told me it's just a mid life crisis, but I've wanted to leave many times in the past, but stayed because I've been a stay at home mom, have no job or way to support myself, and I never wanted my children to have divorced parents. I'm just so unhappy with him. I want out so badly. I have long been envious of single moms who live alone with their kids and are able to make their own decisions. I do NOT want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to be friends with him. Here's another thing though, he said we can get a divorce and he'll give me anything I want, but if by chance I should remarry, I can't have the kids because those are "his kids" and he doesn't want them sleeping in the same house with another man or have a step-dad or have another man enjoy being with his kids in any way. This is cultural. In his culture in a divorce, the man gets the kids no questions asked. I don't know what to do about this. I just wish I had the money and resources to send him back to his country and find him a wife that would rock his world.
However, I refuse to "sign away" my kids. They are, and are all I have in, my world. My daughter is my best friend and my son is such a "mama's boy". They want to be with me anyway. In this country, the "best interest of the children" is the rule. That's going to be the only thing contested.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 11:24am

this is not going to be easy. I don't know your husband but there have been cases where one parent jut takes the kids and disappears with them in their home land.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 6:59pm

You deserve better than that. It is hard to do, to leave, read what I went and am going through. You do not want to be unhappy for the rest of your life. If he was a nice guy, you would not be unhappy. All I can say is, when you are ready you will know. The road is hard now for you..But you deserve to be happy at all costs. No man is worth being unhappy over and no marriage is real without love. I know.