DO I STAY OR LEAVE?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
DO I STAY OR LEAVE?
12
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 7:24pm

I have been married for 5 years and am in my early thirties.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 7:56pm

I think you would be doing your son a big favor by not exposing him to a house in which his dad feels it's ok to verbally abuse his mom (I bet he does this in front of your son)--when is it going to escalate to physical abuse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 10:09pm
Thank you. Even though i should know this. It feels good to hear it from someone else. Thanks for the advice. I am always seeking validation and do not know why.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 12-20-2011 - 9:03am

I am always seeking validation and do not know why.

Maybe you should find out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 12-20-2011 - 11:46am

I was in a verbally abusive marriage and we are now divorced.. what I learned in the last few years about myself was that I did need validation and alot of

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 12-20-2011 - 1:41pm

The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be for your son. Make a clean break now, before he has to experience anymore of this behavior, and thinks this is how men treat women. You know your future ex won't change.

I am sorry

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2010
Wed, 12-21-2011 - 12:36am
You seek validation, because your husband has given you none. He has verbally beaten you down to the point that, you may think you deserve it, or at the very least, caused it. I've been there. It is an awful situation. You believe (truly) that most of what he says (at the very least) has validity, if it isn't true. It isn't until you are away from it that you begin to realize how little of it had anything to do with you. I am so sorry you are going through this, and it just sucks. But getting away from him, the abuse, and the fear, can be the best thing you do for yourself and your son. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 9:43am

Thanks

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 10:44am

Sonya,

You are a victim of domestic violence. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Sat, 12-24-2011 - 9:36am

I have to respond to your post because it gave me chills. It sounds like you are telling my story. Let me share a little with you. I was married 7 years, and have 4 kids with him. After years of emotional abuse, and threats I got a rental home for a trial seperation 2 years ago right around the block from the marital home, which he wouldn't leave. Not only was he telling the kids that I didn't love him, but he told them I don't love them, and was telling them for months that I had a boyfriend who I loved more than them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2012
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 3:49pm

I know how agonizing this decision is so I am not going to tell you what to do but I will try and give you a bit of insight. I am currently in MC and IT with a husband who has been verbally abusive among many other things I won't get into. I can tell you that there have been 2 or 3 times I decided it was enough but was roped right back in. Mainly because of the fact that we have 2 kids and I am a SAHM. If I were able to support myself right now I would be gone in a second. I am taking slow steps towards that, my oldest will be in K next year so I'm hoping I can work full-time then. But if I had the means to get the hell out I would've by now. I convinced myself that it was better for my children to have a "stable" 2-parent household and my own needs were selfish. This has resulted in a huge mess (which is on many other boards) but I really would encourage you to seek a lawyer immediately. They will advise you on what you need to do to protect yourself and your son. Do not continue this cycle. It doesn't get better and not only that, you end up dug deeper in. I know the tremendous guilt involved when you think of divorce but I also know that my home is a thousand times more peaceful when my H & I are not together in it and THAT is what your child needs. Good luck to you.

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