Do I tell?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Do I tell?
2
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 8:34pm

I'm having a heck of a time deciding whether or not to tell my STBX that I'm moving out. Briefly, we've been having trouble for a long time. He's very narcissistic and dissociative. I'm very angry and fed up. We've both been to lawyers, we've been sleeping separately for 10 months. We tried counsellng, it didn't help. He is using all the usual threats (sue for custody, no support, etc) to scare me into staying. A few weeks back I dragged the kids out of bed and ran to my parent's house in the middle of the night because he was going bonkers- talking to himself, yelling, cursing, banging on things- because I told him that I was leaving. I came back to the marital house because I wanted the kids to have a stable environment rather than be in a hotel until my new place is ready. I told him very specifically that I was only coming back until I found somewhere to live. Now that we're here, I'm convinced that he's certain that I'm not leaving. I know he'll lose his mind again when I tell him.

My mother thinks I should warn him. My father thinks I should just leave a note on moving day. What do you all think? I am afraid of his irrational behaviour, but I feel manipulative preparing to leave without warning... what should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cbote
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 8:58pm
You and your children's safety is at risk. Why in the world would you subject yourself and, especially, your children to this????!!!! NO WAY! Leave while he's gone. DO NOT GIVE HIM AN ADDRESS until you *********KNOW********** he is calm and safe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you need to file paperwork with the courts, make sure you fill out the paperwork to keep him from having access to your address and phone number. You will HAVE to tell your mother, in no uncertain terms, that she could be placing you and your children in harm's way, including homocide, if she provides him with any information. Do NOT risk this. He's already shown you how he is going to handle this. PLEASE take care!!!!!!!!!





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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: cbote
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 12:18pm
Hi - He's already shown you that he's not rational... and that your home is not stable.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~