Do you "chat" to relieve lonliness?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Do you "chat" to relieve lonliness?
5
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 10:33pm

My husband has been gone for 3 weeks. We have an 11 mo old daughter who is with me, and while he has a female "confidant," I would not consider dating at least until our divorce is final. Besides, I'm a bit of a basket case right now, so a relationship is the last thing I need. I really don't think I should consider dating for a year from now.

Anyway, my point is that while I don't want to date, I really want a guy right now. You know, just someone to feed my ego a bit. Someone to tell me that I'm still attractive...that he's the one who will ultimately regret this split. So my question is...has anyone ventured into any "chat rooms" to do a little flirting? If not...how do others fight the lonliness? Does anyone else have the "I want a man to fill the lonely void" feeling?

Hopefully I'm not alone in these feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 4:00am

Personally, I don't think that this is a good idea AT ALL! First, chatting is dangerous in some cases. You don't know who you are chatting with. You are not getting "real" feedback, etc. You are only getting what that person wants you to know.

Second, it sounds very much like you are trying to fill a void in your life. Going out and finding a man, which is what chatting is, would be doing just that. You need to work on you, on healing yourself.


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 5:56am

You are definitely not alone in these feelings....it's just that few of us actually admit feeling this way! After a painful split, I think most of us seek some kind of validation that we are OK and attractive.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 7:00pm
Hey.... I chatted... right here at iVillage!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 10:06pm

Okay,
I feel the need to defend myself. I said in my post that I don't think I'll be ready to date for at least a year, AND that I have an 11 month old daughter (hopefully it goes without saying that she is my #1 priority). Anyway, I feel like I need to defend myself because, yes, I know that... "chatting is dangerous in some cases. You don't know who you are chatting with. You are not getting "real" feedback, etc. You are only getting what that person wants you to know." Not to be rude, but, duh...I'm not a teenager. Besides, the same thing could be said for talking to a guy in a bar, in a coffee shop or in a church group. Yes, you know what they look like, but do you really know anything esle about them? I know that if I wanted to "hook up" with someone, I could get a babysitter and go hook up with some guy, but that's not what I'm about. I'm ready & willing to spend the time working on myself, but I also have desires ...when my daughter is alseep and my empty house sounds...empty. I kind of want the sensation of flirting with a guy at a bar, without the hastle of saying, "Ok, I'm leaving, and you're not coming with me."

Anyway, I appreciate anyone who is willing to say "Yeh, I have the same thoughts some time." And, for the record, I'm old enough to know better and I'm not a fool.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 10:21pm

I don't see any harm in chatting..... but it's always a good thing (I think) to have someone shouting over my shoulder.... "be careful"


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~